The New and Improved United States Declaration of Independence and Constitution

We, the White People of the United States of America, in Order to Make America Great Again, establish Injustice, insure domestic Chaos, provide a Common Fence to be known as The Great Wall of Trump, promote the general Welfare of the Wealthy, and secure the Blessings of Tax Reform for Donald J. Trump, UCC, and His Affluent Friends, do ordain and establish this Declaration and Constitution for the United States of Donald.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that while all white men are created equal, President Donald J. Trump, UCC, was created more-equal than Others. He was endowed by his Creator, Individual One, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are infallibility, scientific genius, and the ability to wear very long red ties.

Three score and twelve years ago, a Great Ego was born to this earth. In the beginning, GOD, UCC, aka the Great Omnipotent Donald, created the heaven and the earth and crime without punishment. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of GOD, UCC, moved upon the face of FOX News. And Trump said, Let there be light: and there was darkness. And he called the darkness to be light and convinced His followers that it was so. And Trump saw the darkness, that it was good: and Trump divided the light from the darkness. And Trump called the light Night, and the darkness he called Day. And the evening and the morning were the first day of His presidency. And Darkness was the New Light.

So proclaimeth his Royal Orangeness, the Great Omnipotent Donald.

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Background

The history of King Donald of New York is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

King Donald, UCC

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

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My apologies to the writers of the U.S. Constitution, Abraham Lincoln, the King James version of the Bible and its Book of Genesis, George Orwell and his Animal Farm, and the writers of the Declaration of Independence. While great liberties were taken with all of these historic works, know that from the phrase above that reads, “The history of King Donald of New York,” all that follows is verbatim from the Declaration of Independence as it related to the King of Great Britain. It was scary for me to read those paragraphs and know that those references are not so far from our world and news of today.

Individual One, UCC

For the curious among you, the UCC title at the end of some Trump references stands for Unindicted Co-Conspirator.