Donald the Magnificent

The theater is packed to capacity. A hush comes over the crowd as quiet strains of Edward Elgar’s Pomp and Circumstance begin to build from the orchestra. Then the rear doors of the giant hall burst open as a giant spotlight shines upon the featured act of the evening. Donald the Magnificent (DTM) enters and struts his way forward to thunderous applause. He doffs his floor-length fur cape and takes his place center stage and waits for the applause to die down. He asks for a volunteer from the audience. A man is selected and walks up on the stage. DTM asks the man for some money from his wallet. The man hands over several bills that are then held up for all to see. Then the showman utters the magic words, Abbra Ka-tariff and the money disappears in a puff of smoke. The crowd applauds.

At that moment, The Magnificent Donald, a name by which he is also known, announces that they haven’t seen anything yet. He asks for the audience to stand. The audience rises to their feet. He then asks the audience to check their own wallets. It is only then that everyone realizes that all their money is gone too. Now the crowd is angry. Donald the Magnificent holds up his hands then tells them not to worry about their missing money. He promises their money is secure and will be managed by him and his wealthy associates. The crowd is then told that before leaving the theater they will each be given some magic beans and that they are to take those beans home, plant them, water them, and that sometime in the future they will be rewarded for their faith in him.

This is like those Fractured Fairy Tales segments on The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle that presented classic fairy tales with altered storylines. For many Americans, approximately 62%, who are invested in the stock market through direct ownership or through retirement accounts like 401(k)s and IRAs, the above story is more like something from The Rocky Horror Picture Show than it is from “moose and squirrel.” With the stroke of a pen upon a new executive order, or with the utterance of a few words within earshot of a reporter, or with an errant midnight tweet, Donald the Magnificent has made approximately $11 trillion of investment value disappear as if by magic.

Ah, but the remaining 38% of Americans who have no retirement accounts or direct involvement with the stock market, they are not forgotten. They may join the rest of the class to see the Wrath of Don. People like Kentucky soybean farmer and president of the American Soybean Association, Caleb Ragland, who is now feeling the pain. While he supported Trump, he now feels betrayed as the high-roller president gambles with his livelihood and that of 500,000 soybean farmers whose sole income is from soybeans. In 2024 they sold China over 22 million metric tons. Now China is shopping elsewhere as Brazil is looking to cut down 70 million acres of rainforest to satisfy the Chinese market.

Trump's first term tariffs led to over $23 billion in subsidy payments to farmers through a Depression-era agency. That unfunded revenue came in by borrowing from the U.S. Treasury. Farm bankruptcies still soared to 20% in Trump’s last year of his first term. Trump's first-term tariffs pale by comparison with those under his retribution-term, aka Trump 2.0. How GREAT is that?

In the time-honored tradition of solving movie mysteries, the adage, “follow the money,” is often heard. How does Donald Trump benefit and what’s in it for his wealthy cronies. Here is where it gets slightly more complex and where the sleight-of-hand may be used to bewilder the uninformed.

First there is the distraction. The pretty girl assistant, the flash of light, the puff of smoke that diverts attention away from the real trick. In this case it is the promise of future employment when those great manufacturing jobs return to America. Of course, that will be five or ten years down the road, or never. This doesn’t matter to Donald the Magnificent. In the cartoon strip Popeye, the heavy-set Wimpy character is quoted as saying, “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” Likewise, Trump will gladly take your money today with a promise of you getting a job at some indeterminate date in the future.

The distraction is to cover the fact that tariffs are a tax revenue source that may be used to lower the income taxes of the uber-wealthy. Additionally, tariffs provide Trump with a bargaining chip. He now has leverage that allows him to demand both countries and very large businesses “contribute” money to benefit him. This may be through Trump’s Political Action Committees (PACs), faux charities, or they can do “favors” that allow him to make more money elsewhere. He openly brags that people and countries are lining up to “kiss my ass.”

Send him enough money or do a large enough favor where Trump may benefit, and you could get one of his very valuable “exemptions” from a costly tariff. He can grant these with the stroke of a pen and your other elected representatives have no say in the matter. While such ways around the tariffs may be available for the well-heeled jet set, small businesses will need to pay the tariffs until they are forced into the abyss.

The other more blatant but risky method is for those with enough ready cash to know in advance when such deals will be made so they can make the correct investment decisions that can earn bundles of cash. Stocks, bonds, gold, crypto can all benefit from insider information. On April 9, 2025, at 9:37 a.m., Trump tweeted on Truth Social, “THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO BUY!!! DJT.” Four hours later he announced a 90-day pause in nearly all tariffs. The S&P 500 alone gained $4 trillion, but only for those in a position to take advantage of such situations. Average investors don’t “short stocks” or buy and sell to take advantage of the fluctuations.

Yes, “there’s gold in them thar tweets.” Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Trump favorite, bought into 19 different companies the day before the tariff pause. She had also previously dumped between $50,000 and $100,000 in Treasury bills the day before. Ms. Greene is the chairwoman of the DOGE subcommittee of the House Oversight Committee so what possible information could she have had that helps her in the market.

So, while Americans everywhere are struggling with bills at the super market, others are making a quick buck riding the whipsaw decisions of the White House magician. It is he who is using his powerful pen to make money disappear here and wind up over there. For those who voted for this illusionist, I hope you are enjoying the show and if you plant your magic beans just hope they aren’t soybeans.