Ye Olde Presidential Primer

Ye Olde Presidential Primer

By George Washington

First publication:  March 4, 1797

It shall be the purpose of this primer to provide guidance to new presidents.  Succeeding presidents may amend this publication as they see fit.  It is to be passed on to your successor.

1. Loyalty – Loyalty is to be earned and not demanded.  It is a natural byproduct of other activities such as “treating others with respect” and “leading by good example.”
2. Respect – Respect, like loyalty, is earned in much the same manner.  For more information, see the Golden Rule.
3. Promises – Promises are statements of your future aspirations and intentions.  They are not to be made lightly or for personal gain.  Promises must clearly outline achievable tasks you expect to perform or directly cause to be accomplished by your efforts.
4. Truth – Truths are statements based on facts.  They have no room for misleading or deceitful information.  True statements should be verifiable and based on reliable sources with proven records of accuracy.
5. Lies – Lies are the opposite of truth.  They are intentional statements designed to mislead others.  Lies may only be used when stating your age.  Lies may never be used to brag of your accomplishments.
6. Half-Truths – Half-truths are the most heinous of all lies, as they are attempts to disguise lies by inclusion of some limited truth.
7. Compromise – You can’t always get everything you desire.  Listen to others and try to agree on a mutually acceptable course of action.  To quote from a song made popular by a small local sextet called Ye Rolling Stones, “You can't always get what you want; But, if you try sometimes, well you might find; You get what you need.”

Thank you, 

George Washington

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Amendments and thoughts of succeeding presidents:

William Henry Harrison:  I don’t have much to say as I feel a cold coming on.

Millard Fillmore:  I got my job when “Old Rough and Ready" Zachary Taylor died in office after drinking unpasteurized milk with cherries.  My recommendation is that you should avoid milk and cherries, especially when they are served to you by your vice president.

Abraham Lincoln:  Be honest to yourself and others.  I’ll have more to say when I get back from the theatre.

Richard M. Nixon:  Beware of tape recorders and The Washington Post.

Ronald Reagan:  Before all important decisions, consult your astrologer.  Mine is Joan Quigley.

Barack Obama:  Make sure you turn off the tape recorder I left hidden in the Oval Office.  To turn it off, just enter the serial number from my Hawaiian birth certificate into the red phone on your desk.  I'm sure you have found a copy by now.  Please note that all recordings are automatically transmitted nightly to the Washington Post.