The Force was with us and we made it safely home where some measure of sanity, miniscule as it might be, still exists. We survived our voyage to the LOT (Land Of Trump) and the dangers of the Dark Lords of the MAGA Republic traveling throughout the north Florida DeSantis Empire. They rode in their F-150s, Silverados, Rams, and Sierras. Their bumper stickers and Confederate, American, and/or Trump flags flying in the breeze made them easy to spot. Our white Starfighter (Honda Pilot) concealed our presence.
We reversed our usual counter-clockwise around Florida route and started with an E-W crossing via Alligator Alley to Naples. We then went north to Tampa and on to Tallahassee. As we left Tampa toward Tallahassee we crossed the I-4 divide which is the unofficial DMZ Mason-Dixon Line of Florida politics.
Our GPS vacillated between suggesting I-75 to get to Tallahassee and an alternate route using State Roads 589/98/27/19 (aka the scenic route). As we left our waterfront abode in Tampa, Android Auto finally decided against I-75. We would drive through the more “picturesque” towns of Citrus Park, Odessa, Shady Hill, Old Town, and Crystal River.
This stretch between Tampa and Tallahassee provided a glimpse of a Florida unknown to many. I would guess that when you hear one of those bizarre “Florida Man” stories, this is where they were born. It is the land of tattoos, piercings, trailer parks, fast food, bars, nail salons, and every flavor of Christian Church you might want.
The typical town has at least one stop light, four nationally branded fast-food chains, two Christian churches, a walk-in clinic, an abandoned motel, and an abandoned restaurant. The churches will have names like the First Church of the Last Chance World on Fire Revival and Military Academy (real name) or the Original Church of God, Number 2. I imagine Trump has sold more than a few $60 Bibles along this route.
We stopped for lunch at a Subway in Old Town, Florida. The Subway shares a strip mall with a Cricket cellphone wireless provider, a nail salon, and Hungry Howie’s Flavored Crust Pizza. Old Town is situated along the Tampa-Tallahassee leg of our trip at a bend in the Suwannee River. It has a median family income of $40k placing it well below the $68k middle-class minimum for Florida.
We were the only two people in the Subway without tattoos and more piercings than the wall next to a barroom dart board. Now tattoos are nothing of note today, but most of these folks had little in the way of unclaimed tattoo real estate. I assumed this skin art costs these people money they cannot rightly afford.
I looked it up and, according to the “Derm Dude,” even a tiny tattoo would cost over $100 with larger ones costing $5,000 or more. People were driving old broken-down cars and pickups, pushing baby carriages, and wearing ratty clothes, but also sported thousands of dollars worth of tattoos and piercings. Most of the women would have long fake nails with exotic designs. Life does have its priorities I guess.
Since, outside of fast-food joints, gas stations, and the pulp wood businesses, I saw little in the way of employment opportunities. Certainly, none that would generate more than subsistence incomes. Perhaps the local meth labs are doing well.
This was the northwest section of the state and the poverty here lies in stark contrast to the more affluent coastal areas that most of us frequently think of when “Florida living” is mentioned. I don’t mean to disparage these folks as they probably didn’t have many good opportunities and the economy we talk about when pointing to the Dow, NASDAQ, and S&P 500, has little meaning here.
We arrived in Tallahassee to visit family. We managed to reconnect all along our route with friends and family. We saw over a dozen people on this trip whom we don’t get to often visit. The final leg of our trip brought us to the east coast starting with Amelia Island (outside Jacksonville), down to Vilano Beach near St. Augustine, then on to Vero Beach, and finally Boynton Beach. We took well over 10,000 pictures between us which I supplemented with cellphone, GoPro, and Brinno time-lapse video. Editing these pictures and posting the finished slideshows and videos to my photography website will take longer than the three weeks we spent on the road.
Florida is a beautiful state. All of the people we met along the way were nice. We avoided politics and all was right with the world. My reference to the north-south divide and comparison to the Galactic Empire of Star Wars fame that was ruled for years through fear, intimidation, and tyranny, isn’t a reality, only a possibility. My seventy-plus years spent living in Florida have seen a gradual shift away from its roots in the Confederacy of the Deep South. We returned to Miami before Florida’s official Confederate Memorial Day on April 26, 2024. It is an unpaid state holiday, but it is still on the books.
You really appreciate your own home after spending time away. It is good to be back.
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