Having Trouble on the Back Nine

In June of last year, Trump claimed to have obliterated Iran’s nuclear capability during the Twelve-Day War aka Operation Midnight Hammer. Just for clarity, the verb “obliterate” means, “to remove from existence; to destroy utterly all trace of something.” It doesn’t mean that Omar and Muhammad can grab two shovels, drive their pickup out into the desert, and have it operational again in a few months.

Let’s face it. He quickly bombed Iran last year without consequence. He then invaded Venezuela and grabbed Maduro and his wife. Needing another distraction to keep the Epstein files out of the headlines, he decided to have another go at Iran. He and his staff were warned by intelligence experts in Middle East matters, that Iran could retaliate both militarily and economically.

Those experts were promptly fired, and Trump went to war anyway.

Now we see that, when asked tough questions on the status of the war, the objective of the war, the negotiations to end the war, etc., his mind begins to wander. He fantasizes about the mystery of the invention of the paperclip. He tells a rambling story about thousand-dollar pens that always ran out of ink that he would hand out to children. He marvels at a shiny gold tractor.

In one instance he said he preferred Sharpies and that he had the president of Sharpie (Newell Brands) make a newer and better pen that he offered to pay $5 for. Aside from the fact that this was a Cabinet meeting where they were discussing the war in Iran, the story is total bullshit. There was no conversation with Newell Brands officials, and the “thousand dollar pens” the White House used when Trump came to office were generally Cross pens costing less than $200.

He also has found time to invent another story about the “discovery” of the paper clip. That discovery took place 182 years ago according to this new Trump legend. The guy was a genius and people said, “this is so simple, why didn’t I think of that?” He was trying to use this anecdote to compare it to his own genius in the simple solution to the TSA funding problem by just putting ICE agents in to replace them.

This too is total bullshit. The first practical double loop paper clip was invented in the early 1870s by Gem Manufacturing Company. It was never patented and had no single inventor. Trump’s genius solution to have untrained ICE agents stand around and watch TSA agents do the jobs for which they were trained has been a debacle.

In another gem from the mind of our resident genius and leader of the not-so-free world, we have the gold tractor. During a recent White House event, Trump marveled about a gold-plated tractor and said they must have been thinking of him. He was there to address the plight of farmers and talk about his plan to help them with loan guarantees.

It seems that the costs of farm equipment, both for new equipment and replacement parts, have increased significantly. Trump’s tariffs have had a significant impact on raising those costs so now he is coming to their rescue with loan guarantees. He of course blamed their plight on the Biden administration. He did not mention the fact that the new tariffs lost these farmers their contracts for their products and made everything more expensive. The farmers’ losses far exceed the revenue generated by the tariffs. But, “Oh look, a shiny gold tractor.”

In golf, a match can be interrupted, and continued on a different day. It can be called due to darkness, inclement weather, or in Trump’s golf presidency analogy, a lost election. This second term would then be the equivalent of the back nine in golf parlance. In official golf rules, no mulligans are allowed. However, in friendly rounds, allowances are made. Mulligans are “do-overs” or a second chance to replay a shot without penalty. Trump now finds himself asking us to ignore the normal rules, give him unlimited mulligans, and let the game continue.

There comes a time when bad luck and blunders don’t deserve a “do-over.” He drove his golf cart into the sand trap of Iran and seems dumbfounded as to how he should proceed. He has surrounded himself with ignorance and is using his sand wedge to dig a deeper hole. Perhaps it’s time to call the game on account of ignorance.

That’s as far as I can go with my golf analogy because I never played a round of golf in my life. I did, however, park cars at a golf course and have seen Caddyshack more than once. I would venture to guess that I would be better at golf than Trump is running this country.