In a bold move overnight and with the nation occupied with the looming shutdown, Donald J Trump, from his lair at Mar-a-Lago, has declared that his property is now a religious nation-state similar to the Vatican. In his role as emperor and pope of Mar-a-Lago, his holiness quickly annexed the remainder of Palm Beach County, renamed it the new Republic of Trump, and promptly seceded from the State of Florida and the rest of the United States.
Then, in a series of executive tweets or Execu-Tweets, as he calls them, he declared war on the United States. In his continuing role as Commander in Chief of the United States, he surrendered to the Republic of Trump stating that the U.S. was no match for the superior intellect of the leader of that new nation. As so-called “spoils of war,” he has ordered the contents of Ft. Knox to be transferred to the Bingham Island Audubon Preserve just off the Southern Boulevard causeway connecting the mainland to Mar-a-Lago, for safekeeping.
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| The Pink House Headquarters and Lair of Emperor Trump |
Traffic through the Republic of Trump will still be permitted on the Florida Turnpike but U.S. citizens may find the $10,000 toll a bit restricting. You may exit into the new Republic but only if you are wearing an official MAGA hat made in Ivanka Trump’s sweatshops in China. Hat tags will be checked at the border crossings.
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| New Florida Turnpike Exit to the Republic of Trump |
The official language of the Republic of Trump is Trumpish, which is a combination of small words of English and gibberish. The official beverage of the Republic is covfefe made from coffee beans, hot water, and dextroamphetamine saccharate (aka Adderall XR).
The new official currency is the Trumpence, which, according to John Stump (a spy from North Carolina), is "worth virtually nothing but is still bright gold and ostentatious." The Republic will still accept U.S. currency as long as it is stuffed in a plain brown envelope. You can exchange one large bag of U.S. dollars for one Trumpence but there is no exchange of Trumpence for dollars. The Trumpence is a large gold looking coin with the face of Donald Trump on one side and the back of his head on the other.
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| One Trumpence (worthless but shiny object) |
The official flag of the Republic of Trump is a large rectangle with white stripes on a white background with a fancy white fringe border. The flag should come in handy if one needs to surrender.
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| Flag of Trump Republic (Where Whiteness is Important) |
Emperor-for-life Donald J Trump has also ordered the building of a large wall around Mar-a-Lago and a second wall around the whole of the former Palm Beach County. The wall around Mar-a-Lago will be built out of gold bars from the Audubon Preserve Treasury and the main wall around the Republic of Trump will be built by laborers hired from the parking lot of the local Home Depot. Once the walls are built all the laborers will be deported to Florida.
Emperor Trump will begin negotiations with President Trump to see about further concessions that will be made to the new Republic. These negotiations are predicted to be tense and last for days if not weeks. The two main negotiators, Emperor Trump and President Trump, are both prone to say one thing, and then the opposite, and to change their minds in the same sentence. They love each other but won’t give in, as each wants the upper hand. The negotiations will be held at 4720 Broadway Avenue in the New Republic, as it is the one location that is agreeable to both parties. It also happens to be a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant.
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| The site of Negotiations, 4720 Broadway Ave., Trump Republic |
In his role as President of the United States, Donald Trump will govern only through Execu-Tweets and will no longer occupy the White House. He says that he will thus be able to avoid prosecution as he has banned extradition from the R of T.
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| His Holiness of the Trump Republic |
As a self-proclaimed religious leader, his Trump Organization will be exempt from all taxes. The religion is founded on the teachings of Gordon Gekko from the 1987 movie, Wall Street and the mantra, “Greed is Good,” will be the Republic’s motto. According to the new religious leader, “Greed is a clean drive that captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, and for knowledge, has marked the upward surge of all mankind.” Emperor Trump read this movie quote from a cue card as Trumpish couldn’t quite capture the true essence of the new movement. After reciting the cue card’s contents, the new emperor took a nap, as he hadn’t done that much reading in years.
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| The Bible of the Trump Republic, Fortune Magazine |
In the true meaning and spirit of the Christmas season, Emperor Trump has declared R of T citizenship to all billionaires. As further enticement, he has declared that they will be exempt from taxes since all tax revenue will come from the peons and peasants. These underlings are defined as anyone not listed in the Forbes 400 Ranking of the Richest Americans.
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| Putin says, "What have I created?" |
As word spread of the creation of the new nation-state from the remains of what was once Palm Beach County, congratulations began to trickle in. Vladimir Putin's congratulatory message wasn't made for several hours as he claimed it took him a long time to stop laughing. Andrea Merkel said, "Was für ein Idiot," which needs no translation.
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| World Leaders react to the declaration of Trump Republic |
His holiness, as he also likes to be called, has named his new ambassadors to the U.S. and they are Steve Doocy, Ainsley Earhardt, and Brian Kilmeade, aka the on-air staff of Fox & Friends. He has also named Bill O’Reilly as his head of Human Resources.
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| The new Pink House staff have a familiar look. |
Harvey Weinstein is the new Communications Director who will also be responsible for all sensibility training of the Pink House (aka Mar-a-Lago) staff. Roman Polansky has been hired as the new head of Children’s Services. David Duke, former Grand Wizard of the KKK, has been appointed to handle race relations and Stephen Miller was named Director of ATC. When asked what ATC was we were told it stood for All Things Creepy.
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| Stephen Miller Director All Things Creepy |
That’s what happened while you slept.
excellent, now lets see if we can build that wall around Mar-a-Lago, and just close it off with him in there, him, his family, and all his cronies. we can drop food by helicopter, so no one has to come in contact with them.
ReplyDeleteGood idea except for the dropping of food.
ReplyDelete