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| Ziggy |
How did this happen? Well, it seems that Ziggy’s mom-to-be works in the Montgomery Elections Office and only recently found out that she was pregnant during a routine physical. We will call her “Mary” for reasons that will soon be apparent to the reader. You see, Mary shouldn’t be pregnant as her husband is serving his second year of a twenty-year sentence for bank fraud and embezzlement. He is in the Limestone Correctional Facility in Harvest, Alabama, and is not allowed conjugal visits. Mary, a deeply religious woman, shouldn’t be pregnant.
We know Mary is a very religious person, as she recently became a Platinum Cloud Worshiper and Diamond Angel Contributor in Kenneth Copeland’s Word of Faith branch of Pentecostalism in Fort Worth, Texas. Mary, who earns around $23,000 a year in her clerical position in the Elections Office, seems to have made a significant donation to the ministry. Some have proffered the opinion that she found the lion’s share of the still missing $20 million from her husband’s bank fraud and embezzlement crimes. We don’t know how large a donation Mary made but Mr. Copeland states that his new private jet means he no longer has to fly with “the demons.”
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| Kenneth Copeland |
All of this is conjecture of course but Kenneth Copeland has come out in full support for the “immaculate conception” theory for Mary’s pregnancy. He believes this may be the second coming. Mary concurs and stated she remembers the first coming just a few weeks ago. While you must be at least 30 years of age to run for governor in Alabama, Mr. Copeland states that, if we TRULY BELIEVE, then Ziggy is well over 2,000 years old and easily meets this standard. As God is everywhere, he/she also meets the residency requirements to run for governor.
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| Boxes of missing mail-in ballots found in the outhouse |
This whole thing wouldn’t have become an issue, as Kay Ivey should not have been challenged until the mid-terms of 2022. It now appears that the election is in dispute after the discovery of 327,898 mail-in ballots for her opponent, Walt Maddox. The ballots were found in and around an outhouse behind the Dixon Mills Church of God Pentecostal on Alabama State Road 10 located between Sweet Water and Dixons Mills.
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| Dixon Mills Church of God Pentecostal on State Road 10 |
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| Mail-in ballot boxes were found mostly inside this outhouse located behind the church |
With the number of found ballots exactly matching the number of votes separating Ms. Ivey and Mr. Maddox and considering the proximity of the outhouse to a Pentecostal church, Supreme Court Justice James L. “Jay” Mitchell has declared this to be a sign from God. He further decreed that Alabama needs a new election to see who God or the voters want to be their new governor.
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| Mary's new doublewide and Ziggy's campaign headquarters |
When Mary found out about her condition, she took advantage of the new law and registered Ziggy for the planned new election. In the meantime, Mary is scheduled to move out of her old trailer and into a brand new doublewide. The extra space will be needed for Ziggy’s campaign headquarters. Campaign donations can be in the form of cash, baby formula, or Pampers. Ziggy already has the support of at least fourteen evangelical churches, the National Rifle Association, the World Wrestling Federation, NASCAR, Budweiser Beer, and the KKK. That latter group’s support is conditional and depends on Ziggy being Caucasian. Ziggy's crib is going to have more decals than Jeff Gordon's jacket.
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| Jeff Gordon |
The election will be scheduled for April 1, 2020, to give Ziggy time to grow a hand that he can raise to be sworn in if this is God’s will. Ziggy will be the first candidate in Alabama history to not have committed a crime or to have had rumors circulating about adulterous relationships with a relative or reticent farm animal. If Ziggy the zygote is elected, the yoke is on Alabama.
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| Yoke's on you Alabama |
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