Time For a Change

No, this doesn’t involve politics. You might have reasonably assumed a political spin here if you have read any of my recent writings and posts, but you would be wrong this time. I just think that it is time for a change. While I’ve long been a believer in tradition and wise sayings, if anything, 2020 has proven to be a year when things just didn’t go as planned. We need a change. I needed a change.

 

 

 

Traditions and wise sayings guide our lives, and most are well founded from the experiences of those who preceded us. We all know admonitions like, “don’t eat the yellow snow.” Well, growing up in south Florida, that yellow snow thing didn’t get tested much. “Beware Greeks bearing gifts.” My wife Sue is a quarter Greek and half Irish so that one lost its meaning quickly. No large wooden horses mind you, but everything else is fine.

 

Then there is “give a man a fish and he’ll eat for one day, teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” At least I think that’s how that one goes. It certainly makes more sense than the other one I heard.

 

But this “time for a change” involves something more serious than all of those. It is a matter of great importance and could change your entire outlook on life. This one simple change could have that type of impact on your well-being and ease your mind a bit. But before I get to my proposed change, a little background might be in order.

 

First, who gets to make traditions and declare things to be the way they are? If you are Catholic, you might turn to the pope. Yes, the pope can issue a papal proclamation. These are known as papal bulls. Yeah, I know that issuing something called a “bull” may have you raising concern, but apparently the bull refers to the leaden seal or bulla that gets appended to such proclamations to verify that they are authentic.

 

Others who get to set tradition or issue wise sayings are people who have earned our respect or who have become experts in a particular field. Einstein and Confucius were both considered wise and when they said something people pondered the meaning behind the words in case they might be saying something wise and noteworthy. Well, forget Einstein and Confucius because this one is coming from me.

 

What are my qualifications you might reasonably ask? Well, for one thing, I’m old. I’m officially old. To put this in perspective, consider that the World Health Organization believes that most developed world countries characterize old age starting at 60 years and above. However, this definition isn't adaptable to a place like Africa, where the more traditional definition of an elder, or elderly person, starts between 50 to 65 years of age. So, both here and in Africa, I’m considered old.

 

My second qualification is that, being of Irish decent, I began drinking alcohol at the age of five. My father would give me a “taste” of whatever he was drinking, and I was supposed to scrunch up my face and say something like, yuck or ewww. When they discovered I liked it, I was cut off and had to resort to commandeering unfinished cocktails left unattended at parties. Before the age of five I was restricted to Opium mixed with 76% alcohol. This latter concoction was called Paregoric and was administered to young children to ease the pain of teething or sometimes to just shut them the Hell up.

 

Lastly, I offer that I worked a little over a year as a bartender at the Officer’s Club on the Naval base in Orlando. I was trained by an old guy who claimed to have worked at a speakeasy during Prohibition. He taught me the essentials like, never discuss religion or politics when drinking, always use fresh ice when making a second drink, and a heavy pour gets you bigger tips. I offer all this by way of my expertise when it comes to the consumption of alcohol.

 

Now we come to the moment you’ve all been waiting for and wished I had gotten to 698 words earlier. My proposed change and new outlook on life as we know it. The cocktail hour, from this point forward, officially begins at 4:30 p.m. You may now ponder the wisdom of that statement but please hold your applause until after I’m done.

 

Yes, this bit of wisdom and profound insight came to me just yesterday after a long hard day spent in a worthless pursuit. I had just spent the last several hours replacing a perfectly good GFCI outlet on my back patio when I could have avoided the entire project if I had noticed a tripped GFCI breaker in my master bathroom that was connected, don’t ask me why, to that remote plug. I won’t bore you with the tedious details here because I’m writing this before I’ve had my morning coffee and I need to get downstairs to begin my day. Just suffice it to say my revelation came late yesterday afternoon.

 

Yes, I needed a drink, and it wasn’t 5 o’clock yet. I know the old work-around and could have said, well, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, but this still carries with it a modicum of guilt. I needed something more meaningful, so I went to bed for a short power nap. I find these brief ten to fifteen-minute breaks lying down without sleeping, refreshing and sometimes inspiring. At precisely 4:30 p.m. on November 15, 2020, I placed my two feet on the floor of my bedroom and issued my first ever meaningful proclamation, “From this moment forward, the cocktail hour begins at 4:30.” It was my papal bull. I didn’t have a lead seal or formal proclamation document, but I sealed the deal with a cocktail before 5 p.m. and I felt no guilt.

 

You could just hear the angels rejoicing in heaven. At least I think I heard angels, but it could have just been the scotch hitting one of my few remaining brain cells. Remember, every time you have a cocktail before 5 p.m., an angel gets it's wings. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. If the descendants of Frank Capra ever decide to use my life story in a movie, be sure to include that last bit about the angels and wings because it might be meaningful for future generations.

 

I truly believe that the year 2020 needs something like a 4:30 p.m. cocktail time to remember it by. Or perhaps we need it to forget the year entirely. Remember as you go through the rest of this year and those that follow, It's always 4:30 somewhere.

 

I'll leave you with a two quotes worth pondering while sober, or not.

 

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he’ll be a mile away and barefoot."

 

"Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."