Donald HH Trump

I’ve thought long and hard on this one because, when it comes to name-calling, I’m talking about the idiot savant of name-callers. He is so well known for his derogatory “nicknames” for politicians, celebrities, and foreign leaders, he has a dedicated Wikipedia page that currently lists over 130 such names. He has 11 names just for Joe Biden. A measure of your importance may be calculated by the number of names he comes up with. Ron DeSantis has 7 while Ted Cruz has but 3 and Mitch McConnell only 2. Mitch is “Broken Old Crow” and “Disloyal Sleaze Bag.”

Donald HH Trump

Donald HH Trump is what I have come up with for our tarnished golden boy. The HH stands for Human Hemorrhoid. So, why the Human Hemorrhoid? Unlike a regular pain in the ass, this is more serious. “The Donald” is that irritating swollen mass of tissue that dangles from the national psyche. He is right at home when he is up to his eyeballs in sh!t. He glorifies international despots like Jinping, Putin, and Jong-un because they have achieved what he can’t in what’s left of our democracy.

Money is his “Preparation H” but only when that money belongs to other people and is now heading his way with his persistent grift. Money headed in the other direction is more like that three-alarm chili he had for lunch, it was great going down but now it hurts like hell when he has to pay. He doesn't like to pay for anything.

My first runner-up in the name game was Carbuncle Don because a carbuncle refers to a severe abscess in the skin infected with bacteria. In Britain, it is also used to describe anything that is unsightly or visually intrusive. While that would have been descriptive, I still felt he needed something that captures his essence. He certainly warrants more than, “The Donald.”

To me, the Human Hemorrhoid is more an anthropomorphism than a personification as it refers to a non-human entity consciously behaving like a human. A personification would refer to something nonhuman acquiring human characteristics and our reference here is to something that can’t be described in regular human terms.

So, understanding my thought process here, I believe I will begin using the nickname, Donald HH Trump to refer to his royal Trumpness. It rolls off the tongue, is easier than spelling out hemorrhoid, and gets people to ask, what’s with the HH?