A series of recent events reminded me of my college days and the Great Panty Raid of 1965 at Florida Atlantic University. This was the first year that FAU had students living on campus. There were only two dorm buildings separated by a wide sidewalk. The women’s dorm was a large rectangular facility with a shared lobby and the men’s dorm was a “U-shaped” 3-story building not 50’ away.
The planning and execution of the “great panty gathering” could only be compared to the Doolittle Raid in April 1942. Our “Jimmy” Doolittle was Lord Barrington Eamer III, chosen because he was the school’s only exchange student and was technically a student at his home university in England. We thought that would protect him.
On the night in question, Lord Barrington, “Barry” for short, hid in the bathroom of the girl’s dorm lobby until after lockup. He later opened the doors to allow a large group of marauders into the hallowed halls of the girl’s dorm. The whole raid was kept so secret that there was never a Signal chat breach with even one reporter. This was the result of two things, Hegseth wouldn’t be born for another 15 years, and Signal chat wouldn’t be released for another 49 years.
As it was, almost everyone on campus knew this was coming. With the raid in progress, the “marauders” ran through the halls to the delight of the cooperating girls who handed over panties so the mission would be a success. There was only one female in the dorm who was not thrilled with having hoards of drunk clueless boys running through their abode, the second-floor RA. She stood in the hallway and took down names telling all that their days were numbered.
“The List” made its way to the Dean of Men who promptly called all on the list into his office. When asked where they were on this horrible night of debauchery, everyone answered with a single voice, “I was right behind Bently.” So, when the dean finally got to Bently he asked, “It seems like you were the ring-leader, so what do you have to say for yourself?” Bently replied just as we had rehearsed, “I was having dinner with the Chief of Police of Boca Raton at the time. You can call him. Here’s his number.”
You see, the RA had misidentified Bently as a participant and he was our perfect alibi. He really was having dinner with the local police chief who happened to be a family friend. The flustered dean couldn’t figure out what to do. He finally announced that we were all on “social probation.” Nobody knew what that meant, not even the dean. There was no such regulation or penalty as the resident program was so new nothing had been codified. It was like “double secret probation” invented by Dean Wormer in Animal House.
So, what set of recent events sparked this memory? Well, it seems that the Trump administration is looking for its own “Bently.” They came up with “Bradley” as in Admiral Frank “Mitch” Bradley. When questioned about the “kill everybody” order of survivors from a Venezuelan “drug boat” destroyed by a drone strike that may turn out to be a war crime, everyone is pointing down the line. There was no need for everyone to “get their panties in a twist.” Trump says he stands behind Pete Hegseth and Hegseth says he stands behind Adm. Bradley, so unless Admiral Bradley can come up with someone to blame, it looks like he will end up on double secret probation. As everyone knows, double secret probation can only be pardoned by a double secret pardon issued at 3 a.m. in a Tweet on X.
In other news from Bizarro World, aka Htrae (which is earth spelled backwards and where everything operates in reverse), Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, heaped praise on the president in the form of a giant sucking sound. She did this to appease her lord god and master and President and King of the Sharpie, Donald Trump. She claimed that his strong leadership was the deciding factor given that Florida and the nation had been spared hurricane devastation. According to her, the President had personally overseen the 2025 hurricane season (Sharpie in hand?) that recently ended with no landfalls. She pursed her Juvéderm and Botox swollen lips and told the president and all present, “You kept the hurricanes away. We appreciate that.”
Not bizarre enough for you? How about the fact that IRS agents will now be forced to watch hours of OnlyFans porn to enforce Trump’s “no tax on tips” policy. It seems the tax break excludes pornographic activity so agents must distinguish between activity that is truly porn and that which is merely titillating. One OnlyFans creator explained that some of her $2M income is from “tips” for pictures of her feet.
Want more? How about the fact that President Night Owl, who sleeps through cabinet meetings, somehow manages to stay awake into the wee hours on social media. In a recent spree he issued 158 posts in a matter of hours. Among those posts were the “facts” that the vast majority of President Biden’s executive orders were drafted by Michelle Obama and that “Christmas is officially GREAT again.” Tony the Tiger couldn’t have said it better.
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