The State of the Onion

The president gives his State of the Onion tonight. If I were to watch it, I'm sure it would bring a tear to my eye. I say onion rather than union because this president does not know the meaning of the word union. He is all about dividing, like slicing an onion. The further you cut into this presidency the more it makes you want to cry.

Like the onion, this president is thin skinned. I won't watch the official address because it would be as painful as dicing an onion with your forehead. I’m sure clips of it will be repeated ad nauseam for days after and they will be unavoidable so why put yourself through the agony more than necessary.

Onions grow best with plenty fertilizer, and a well-rotted or aged manure is a good one. As this president is good at spreading manure, his State of the Onion will be filled with lots of it. While onions are white, yellow, and red, his speech will be about white onions and how successful they will be once those “foreign” varieties are gone.

I will make my prediction here before his State of the Onion address to say he will blame Democrats for all the nation’s problems even though we have a Republican president, and they control both houses of Congress. His will be one of the longest addresses in history, if not the longest. He will ignore the facts about the economy and will tell people the road ahead is lined with roses. He will have no plan for the future. He will continue to villainize immigrants. I will reread this after I begin to hear the inevitable clips and analysis.

I laud the women’s Olympic hockey team for dodging this painful event. On the other hand, I do not disparage the men’s Olympic team for attending. Perhaps one of them could take this opportunity to tell him, “puck you.”