The Loch Ness Monster and the Deep State

 

As a lifetime member of the Deep State, I find it amusing that right-wing politicos think, but don’t know, that we exist. Some will acknowledge our group by name with conviction, but it is obvious from their demeanor that they have no proof. As the emeritus chief of the Unicorn Division of the Deep State, I have access to their top-secret files. I have full knowledge of the clandestine GPS coordinates of all 46 known Big Foot (or should that be Big Feet) caves. I know the location of the 90’ white ash Keebler Elves Hollow Tree in Sylvan Glenn, near Lake Springfield. I personally know Ernest J. Keebler (Earnie to his friends) and a few of the others, namely Flo, Elmer, Buckets, Roger, Leonardo, Fast Eddie, Sam, Doc, Zack, Casey, Professor, and Zoot. I had a brief affair with Flo, the bakery accountant, back in the 70s. It was a short fling (pun intended) and it was probably all for the best that it ended when it did because Flo was later caught with fudge all over her little elfin Vienna Fingers.  And, yes, Jeff Sessions was a Keebler Elf, but was kicked out of the tree when he got too big for his britches.

 

 

 

When I started, we were just State. Area 51 was only 42 ½ at the time. It soon became clear that espionage, collusion, conspiracy, intrigue, cronyism, and dirty tricks, would require a bit of secrecy. Enter the Deep State. We made rapid advancements in the early days with the help of alien technology. The capture of one spacecraft and four aliens was a boon to our understanding of technology. They gave us Velcro, now how cool is that?

 

Entrance to the Deep State Headquarters near Area 51

 

Fear of the Deep State is its own tool. It’s like a fear of gravity in that you can’t see it, you know it exists, and realize it can hurt you, but only after you achieve some level of altitude. The higher you get in politics the more you fear the Deep State. But for those of you who might say the Deep State is a malevolent organization bent on mischief, I say balderdash. I’ve been writing for years and that is the first time I was able to use “balderdash” in a sentence with some sense of purpose. Who would Steve Bannon, Mick Mulvaney, and Donald Trump have that they could blame for their mistakes if it weren’t for the Deep State? We provide a public service, albeit an unwitting one.

 

Pardon Me but, Hang on to your Trump Card

 

We, in the Deep State, are unique in that we only have two letter initials to our name, DS, not to be confused with BS. We are like the Madonna, Pink, Sting, Cher, Charo, Beck, Enya, and Bono, of the espionage world. All other agencies are required to have the full compliment of three letters like CIA, FBI, NRO, NSA, DOD, DHS, DEA, DOE, and CID. The thought that we are a network of entrenched government officials who function independently from elected politicians and work toward our own ends, is preposterous. When have you ever known government officials to function at all?

 

Membership in the Deep State has provided me with an enhanced outlook of life on our planet. I know that the Tooth Fairy is actually Flo (aka Stephanie Courtney). The Tooth Fairy Flo should not be confused with Keebler Elf Flo. Tooth Fairy Flo is much taller. She sells the baby teeth she collects as the Tooth Fairy, on the black market as ivory. I know she is a Republican because she works for PROGRESSIVE (insurance) Corporation as a double agent. I know the Easter Bunny never existed because rabbits don’t lay colored eggs and most of them can’t paint.  I know the main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.  I know that the Loch Ness Monster summers in Barbados and loves his Piña Coladas.

 

Nessie at the beach in Barbados

 

For fellow Deep Staters, remember to get your bus tickets early for Georgia’s January 5th senate runoff. You must bring different colored pens to fill out all those fake ballots and if you are bringing dead people with you to vote, make sure you have the correct spelling of their names. If we can’t steal this election properly, we might as well stay home.

 

I loved my active-duty time in the Deep State but now I must get back to my day job of Cat Behavior Consultant and part-time exorcist. Now that Trump is on his way out, I feel I can breathe a sigh of relief through my face mask. But, as we enter this Post-Trump phase, remember the wise words of George Carlin, “Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

 

The Circus is Still in Town

 

 

 

QAnon, WTF?

I remember when “Q” was an ageless sometimes malevolent supreme being who identified with the Q Continuum. He lived and materialized at will in the future time of 2367. He took delight when he harangued Capt. Jean-Luc Picard of Star Trek fame. He was a fictional character and perhaps the inspiration for the creation of another mischievous apparition. This new specter would act as an inside secret source of information for those who could interpret his clues, known as “Q drops.” His followers would be called QAnon.

 

Q of Star Trek fame

 

 

 

QAnon seems to be the creation of one bored YouTube video creator and two Dark Web conspiracy posters who decided to monetize the conspiracy industry. They invented “Q” to be a high-ranking military officer with insider information. The identity of Q’s creators would be hidden behind aspects of the Dark Web. There are names associated with their IP addresses, but none have come forward to claim authorship. The original three, with the help of fellow conspiracy theorists from whom they solicited help, have taken to the various fringe message boards and websites to create a fiction that would excite an expanded base of followers. Unlike the satire site, the Onion, which is clearly labeled as satire, the QAnon folks are true believers. I’m guessing this is the digital age’s version of the supermarket tabloid.

 

 

 

They have championed Trump to be the latest comic-book-like hero who is fighting evil. Yes, Donald J. Trump has replaced the two-headed space aliens holding Elvis captive aboard their yellow submarine in the city of Atlantis. This would be funny and something we could easily dismiss if it weren’t for the fact that two Republican QAnon believers won their elections and are headed to Washington in January. Yes, Marjorie Taylor Greene won a House seat from Georgia and Lauren Boebert won a House seat from Colorado. Both Greene and Boebert are QAnon believers.

 

 

QAnon followers in Congress

 

Another in the wild QAnon conspiracy theories was their belief that John F. Kennedy Jr. was still alive and that he would be Trump’s announced running mate for Vice President. Try getting your head around that pronouncement and then imagine the types of people who would consider that a possibility.

 

The evil villains in their stories are all members of “the deep state” that includes the Hollywood elite and top Democrats who are baby-eating, Satan worshiping, pedophiles. Some in this growing fringe of society believe that lizard-people, disguised as corporate leaders and celebrities and evil scientists and governments are all conspiring to use Covid-19 for their own dark purposes. Much of their rhetoric follows the racist and antisemitic lines of other Trump followers.

 

While I’m sure many of us have read the crazy headlines at the supermarket checkout counters, I don’t personally know anyone who actually believes those stories to be more than entertainment. But, enter the digital age and its collision with the folks who think the National Enquirer is a real newspaper, and you now have conspiracy theory followers dangerous enough to arm themselves and take action against the evil villains.

 

 

 

That there are people gullible enough to believe these stories is frightening. In 2018 a follower blocked traffic on the Hoover Dam with an armored vehicle. One early QAnon story was labeled Pizza-gate and claimed there was a pedophile ring operating out of a Washington, DC pizza shop. One deranged follower showed up at the business with his assault rifle and fired it during his “rescue” of the non-existent children.

 

Pizza shop falsely targeted as site of child sex ring

 

 

Researchers theorize that conspiracy beliefs may be tied to anxiety and a feeling of being powerless. Such individuals latch on to these wild theories to gain sociopolitical control by a rejection of official narratives that contradict their own interests. These people may feel otherwise isolated but, by sharing conspiracy beliefs with other like-minded individuals, they find solace.

 

One personality profile of conspiracy believers was the injustice collector. That individual finds the world an unjust place and is likely to be impulsive and overconfident. They were excited to expose the naïveté of others not “in the know.” By holding on to such outlandish beliefs, they got the attention that they crave and a sense of camaraderie with other believers. Our current pandemic and the deep political division within our country, have created the perfect storm that feeds the delusions of the QAnon adherents.

 

In the outer fringes of this group one personality disorder is prevalent and that is a pattern of thinking called “psychoticism.” Phychoticism is central to the schizo-typical personality disorder with its magical thinking and paranoid ideation. It is just a few degrees short of full-blown schizophrenia. In this extreme group are those who may act on their delusions and become a threat to others. Conspiracy theorists run the gamut from those who will just forward unvetted questionable stories supporting their belief system to those who actively look for lizard-like behavior in others.

 

The Lizard People are Everywhere

QAnon followers fall into the extreme end of the spectrum. Donald Trump refers to QAnon followers as “people who love our country” but the FBI has labeled them a potential domestic terror threat. It is not just domestic as it has a worldwide audience. The “Q” posts show up on the message board 4chan, the rebranded 8chan now called 8kun, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. There was a July crackdown on Twitter to curb QAnon content that affected 150,000 accounts. Facebook too has announced the removal of sites that “represent” QAnon and all supportive ads.

 

QAnon Supporter at Trump Rally

 

If you think we are now entering the Twilight Zone, just know that the last four years were not a dream. You’ve been living in that parallel universe for some time now. QAnon is with us. Two of its followers will be sworn into the new Congress. In a recent survey of 1,583 registered voters, 37% of Trump’s base believe that he had been elected as a savior to root out a secret Satanic child-sex trafficking ring run by Democrats.

 

 

“It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The Trump Zone.”

 

 

Party Evolution, Revolution

When I was born in the 40s, there were still people alive who fought in the Civil War. In fact, the last Union Army Civil War veteran was Albert Henry Woolson, and he died in 1956 at the age of 106. The last Confederate veteran had predeceased him in 1951. His name was Private Pleasant Riggs Crump. It was now official; the Confederate States of America had even lost the war of attrition as the last man standing was a Union soldier.

General Robert E. Lee had surrendered on April 9, 1865, but it wasn’t until August of 1865, that Lt. Cmdr. James Waddell got word aboard the CSS Shenandoah that the last of the fighting had ended. Waddell stowed his guns and sailed to Liverpool, England where the Confederate flag flew for the last time aboard a Confederate fighting ship.

 

 

The Civil War was over. Its’ end happened over several months. Lee surrendered at Appomattox, and then Gen. Joseph E. Johnston’s Army of Tennessee got word of Lee’s surrender. He refused an order from CSA President Jefferson Davis to continue fighting and surrendered to Gen. Sherman. Confederate General Richard Taylor surrendered in May and several days later Nathan Bedford Forrest surrendered at Gainesville, Alabama. He told his men, “That we are beaten is a self-evident fact, and any further resistance on our part would justly be regarded as the very height of folly and rashness.”

If only President Donald J. Trump were a student of history or, at the very least as observant as Nathan Bedford Forrest, he might realize that this current fight for the presidency is “the very height of folly and rashness.” But Donald Trump is a transactional president just as he had been a transactional businessman. He sees every event as a singular transaction to be negotiated for his ultimate benefit. There is no big picture, just the transaction. His focus is often myopic. The expression “can’t see the forest for the trees” comes to mind.

 

Can't see the damn forest with all these big trees in the way.

Much, if not most, of Trump’s support comes from people who are still fighting the Civil War. They sell Confederate flags at his rallies. They won’t admit that the Confederate States of America lost the war 155 years ago. They also sell Nazi flags at his rallies in support of another losing ideology. They won’t admit that Nazi Germany lost their war 75 years ago. The Nazis lost. The Confederacy lost. Trump lost.

 

Flags at Trump Rally

Historically, Democrats were the party of racial inequality who wanted to continue the theory of white supremacy championed by both the Civil War and Hitler’s Nazis. The southern Democrats, aka Dixiecrats, were fighting for segregation and Jim Crow laws long after the end of the Civil War. Famous segregationists included Jesse Helms from North Carolina, Herman Talmadge of Georgia, Allan Shivers of Texas, Harry Bird of Virginia, James Eastland of Mississippi, Lester Maddox of Georgia, and George Wallace of Alabama. These were all Democrats.

 

George Wallace defying court ordered integration of school.

 

 

 

Over the course of time, the cause of white supremacy switched parties. The south, unhappy with Public Law 88-352k, aka the Civil Rights Act of 1964, began a migration to the Republican Party where people found sympathy for their perceived white minority persecution. The south and much of middle-America moved to the Republican Party while many of the coastal states and certain large urban centers became more Democratic.

Donald Trump, with the guiding hand of his advisor and confidant Stephen Miller, found the smoldering embers of this white supremacy contingent and emboldened them to action. They provided a national platform for this marginalized group. Using racism, hatred and fear as a strong motivators, the Miller/Trump contingent managed to take over the Republican Party and to use that triple threat to build a support base that would walk through fire for their new Messiah. Whatever was left of “normal Republicans” were struck dumb with the fear of antagonizing the power of Trump’s base. As the song goes, it’s all about the base.

The odd faction within this vocal base were the Nazi supporters. While they readily deal in white supremacy, they include Jews in their targeted groups. Stephen Miller is Jewish, and Donald Trump has a Jewish son-in-law. I can only guess at the consternation caused by this dilemma. Perhaps they figure that they can postpone one goal to achieve another. Stephen Miller has advocated many extreme white supremacist concepts like the “great replacement theory” where whites are being eliminated through immigration. He has also linked immigration with crime. These themes run throughout Trump’s rhetoric.

 

Trump's "nice people on both sides"; Nice Nazis

 

While many Republicans would be loath to consider themselves racist, their support for Donald Trump provides a certain validity to that perception. You can’t champion a race-baiting xenophobe and then distance yourself from the fallout caused by his actions. You can’t support his recent attacks on our democracy and later try to wrap yourself in the flag.

 

 

While both dominant parties have evolved during my lifetime, this latest change was the most jarring. It happened in less than four years. The Trump presidency will be studied not so much for its few achievements, but for the damage to our democracy and for the challenges it presented to political normalcy. Republicans told Nixon his time was at an end and he walked away. It is time for Republicans to admonish Trump in the same way. I won’t hold my breath. One way or another, he will be out of power in just a matter of weeks.

 

 

 

Reflections on 2020

There is supposedly a Chinese curse, that goes, “May you live in interesting times.” By most accounts, not one of the current 1.4 billion Chinese has any recollection of such a statement or curse having been uttered at any point in their 4,000-year history. We can only guess that something was said in Chinese, it was translated into English, and somehow ended up getting repeated enough times that we now attribute the quote to our Asian friends. The origins of the quote seem to go to the British diplomatic corps early in the last century. I can relate to the possibility of a miscommunication between the British and the Chinese. I would easily understand a gaffe in a translation from Mandarin to English. I watch a great deal of British entertainment and I need to turn on the subtitles to get more than half of what they are saying; and we supposedly speak the same language.

Confucius

I had long heard the quote about living in interesting times but was surprised to find out it was a curse. It almost sounded like a good thing, to live in interesting times. Perhaps the Chinese have a strange sense of humor.  Another of their "curses" reads, "may your every wish be granted."  One possible explanation of its origin confuses matters further. It involves the story, “The Oil-Peddler Wins the Queen of Flowers.” Those of you who follow Chinese romance literature probably know it better by its more common title, “Maiyou lang duzhan huakui.” In this story the main characters are driven from their homes by war. A portion of the story reads, “Truly, better to be a dog in days of peace, Than a human in times of war!” Now that’s some creative translation.

Well, to call the year now ending an “interesting time” would be the understatement of the millennium. It seems that the year 2020 really got jump-started in late 2019 when someone in China caught a case of the sniffles, from a bat. We now know that “bat-sniffles” can get serious and it's certainly nothing to sneeze at. It seems that when bat viruses make the jump between species, things can go wrong. How one gets close enough to a bat to catch a cold still escapes me. It’s easier for me to imagine a botched Mandarin translation than to think about how a human gets bat-sniffles.

Kiss Me, I'm Cute

 

 

 We perhaps need to reevaluate “the butterfly effect” where the flap of a butterfly’s wings can supposedly cause a weather event across the globe. As we all know, this idea comes from chaos theory where the butterfly effect is based on the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state. But you knew that. Since we are all familiar with the work of meteorologist and mathematician Edward Lorenz, I will thankfully not need to explain this any further. What we now know is that his theory also seems to work at the bat level. But I digress. I do that more often now that I have more grey hair than brains. I’m even beginning to understand a cat’s fascination with chasing the red dot from a laser pointer.

The Butterfly Effect

Yes, 2020 didn’t turn out like anyone imagined. While the term 2020 is commonly associated with having good vision, I doubt anybody saw this one coming. Instead of learning more about the countries scheduled for our planned vacation, I ended up learning how to cut my own hair. What I learned was, don’t do it. No matter how easy it looks on those YouTube videos, don’t do it. Get help. I did manage to take the skills learned maintaining my own mustache for many years and I was able to extend that knowledge to include sideburns and a little light trimming in the front. I then get Sue to cut the back and sides that I can’t easily see or reach. She tells me she did a good job. I’ll take her word for it. I’m sure its fine. If you find out different, don’t tell me.

 

Zoom Meeting

So, what else have we learned this year that we might not have predicted way back in 2019? We all know more about streaming video. Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, etc., have become more important than cable TV. Many of us now know how to have a Zoom meeting from home when twelve months ago most of us thought zoom was what cars do. Many of us have learned new cooking skills and have either rejoiced in that new culinary ability or learned that you can Uber food. How many of you shopped for groceries on your computer before this year? A trip outside your home now requires more planning. Facemask, check. Hand sanitizer, check. Backup facemask, check. Get in car, check. Remember where you were planning to go, whoops. Go back inside house to figure out where you were going, check.

We are also ending 2020 with yet another example of the butterfly effect in the world of politics. It seems that, about the time my mother was giving birth to her cutest son, a couple in New York made love. Nine months after my birth, the result of that heinous act in New York brought us one Donald J. Trump. Who could have predicted that the little tax deduction that arrived on June 14, 1946, would one day take a television reality show where he fired everyone and move it into the Oval Office? Yes, an act committed seventy-four years ago, created a 250 pound man who just happens to wear 25 pound red ties. This same man is now planning his exit from the White House, maybe.

We had an election. Trump lost. This would make him only the third president in the past 80 years to not win a second term. He is not happy with that scenario and has filed and lost over 50 lawsuits in a vain attempt to overturn the election. Georgia just completed the third recount and Joe Biden won each time. The three counts showed that the first machine count was 99.964% accurate. In the final tally, Trump lost Georgia by 11,779 votes. Not a landslide but as they say, close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and table-top shuffleboard.

 

Cardboard fans

I wonder about the future. I’m now wondering how sportscasters, reviewing football games played way back in 2020, will explain the 2-D cardboard cutouts of people sitting in the stands. I also wonder if we will still be wearing masks for both Halloween and Christmas next year? Will I ever get to eat in a real restaurant again? Will handshakes be forever verboten? Will I ever take another cruise? Will I wake up and find that it is really January first of 2020 and this was all a nightmare caused by too much New Year's champagne and some bad calamari?

Getting back to our opening gambit of living in interesting times, I found a further reference in Chinese philosophy with one of their common maxims. It says, “that the worst of men are fondest of change and commotion, hoping that they may thereby benefit themselves; but by adherence to a steady, quiet system, affairs proceed without confusion, and bad men have nothing to gain.” What picture reference does that create for you?

While we may blame the Chinese for fostering an environment where humans and bats get close enough to share diseases, had we been following the above quoted maxim, perhaps the years beyond 2016 would have been better. If this virus has a silver lining it might be that it pointed out a serious weakness in our chosen leadership. Enough of us saw that flaw and acted accordingly to make a change. May 2021 bring about a healing and renewed hope for the future.

The Trump Show

Continuing with my pop-culture comparisons with the Trump presidency, I am reminded of a Jim Carrey movie called The Truman Show. In the movie, Carrey’s character, Truman Burbank, stars in a reality TV show set in the fictional town of Seahaven Island. Everyone knows this is a reality TV show, except Truman. The island is really a large sound stage inside a bubble and filming is done 24/7 via 5,000 cameras set to record Truman’s every move. Does this not sound like a Trump paradise?

 

 

 

Perhaps we could all chip in and have such a set built so that Trump could live out his days in the fantasy world he has tried to build over the last four years. Trump could live in his own little bubble and his Trumpers and Trumpettes could all sit around their sets and watch their reality TV star president do what he does best. He could Tweet, hold press conferences near a helicopter, play golf, and have regular campaign rallies. In this dream world he would be president for life.

 

This would benefit everyone as real life would go on without the daily distraction and interruption of his ego screaming for attention. The MAGA hatted faithful would get to live in the same fantasy world as their hero for as long as they like. It might be made financially viable and a profit center through merchandise sales, cable TV subscriptions, and donations from evangelicals who will seemingly donate to anyone. Trump’s tweets would only be available by paid subscription and we could hire Russian trolls to issue flattering responses.

 

I envision a remote location, say, Easter Island which is described as Te Pitot e Henua (Navel of the World) as it is one of the most remote places on earth. The 600+ famed statues of Easter Island, the moai, could be used for Trump rallies where he could easily claim them to be 60,000 strong. This 63 square mile island could be fitted with a mini-White House and a mini Mar-a-Lago. There would be a golf course where Trump could cheat to his little black heart’s content. The fake Oval Office would be fitted with flat screen sets that play reruns of Fox News with all his favorites. There would be Fox and Friends, Tucker Carlson, Hannity, and Ingraham.

 

I say it would be a win-win situation for us all. We get rid of a pest and Easter Island gets to enjoy a little blonde navel lint to go with their Navel of the World moniker.

Time For a Change

No, this doesn’t involve politics. You might have reasonably assumed a political spin here if you have read any of my recent writings and posts, but you would be wrong this time. I just think that it is time for a change. While I’ve long been a believer in tradition and wise sayings, if anything, 2020 has proven to be a year when things just didn’t go as planned. We need a change. I needed a change.

 

 

 

Traditions and wise sayings guide our lives, and most are well founded from the experiences of those who preceded us. We all know admonitions like, “don’t eat the yellow snow.” Well, growing up in south Florida, that yellow snow thing didn’t get tested much. “Beware Greeks bearing gifts.” My wife Sue is a quarter Greek and half Irish so that one lost its meaning quickly. No large wooden horses mind you, but everything else is fine.

 

Then there is “give a man a fish and he’ll eat for one day, teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” At least I think that’s how that one goes. It certainly makes more sense than the other one I heard.

 

But this “time for a change” involves something more serious than all of those. It is a matter of great importance and could change your entire outlook on life. This one simple change could have that type of impact on your well-being and ease your mind a bit. But before I get to my proposed change, a little background might be in order.

 

First, who gets to make traditions and declare things to be the way they are? If you are Catholic, you might turn to the pope. Yes, the pope can issue a papal proclamation. These are known as papal bulls. Yeah, I know that issuing something called a “bull” may have you raising concern, but apparently the bull refers to the leaden seal or bulla that gets appended to such proclamations to verify that they are authentic.

 

Others who get to set tradition or issue wise sayings are people who have earned our respect or who have become experts in a particular field. Einstein and Confucius were both considered wise and when they said something people pondered the meaning behind the words in case they might be saying something wise and noteworthy. Well, forget Einstein and Confucius because this one is coming from me.

 

What are my qualifications you might reasonably ask? Well, for one thing, I’m old. I’m officially old. To put this in perspective, consider that the World Health Organization believes that most developed world countries characterize old age starting at 60 years and above. However, this definition isn't adaptable to a place like Africa, where the more traditional definition of an elder, or elderly person, starts between 50 to 65 years of age. So, both here and in Africa, I’m considered old.

 

My second qualification is that, being of Irish decent, I began drinking alcohol at the age of five. My father would give me a “taste” of whatever he was drinking, and I was supposed to scrunch up my face and say something like, yuck or ewww. When they discovered I liked it, I was cut off and had to resort to commandeering unfinished cocktails left unattended at parties. Before the age of five I was restricted to Opium mixed with 76% alcohol. This latter concoction was called Paregoric and was administered to young children to ease the pain of teething or sometimes to just shut them the Hell up.

 

Lastly, I offer that I worked a little over a year as a bartender at the Officer’s Club on the Naval base in Orlando. I was trained by an old guy who claimed to have worked at a speakeasy during Prohibition. He taught me the essentials like, never discuss religion or politics when drinking, always use fresh ice when making a second drink, and a heavy pour gets you bigger tips. I offer all this by way of my expertise when it comes to the consumption of alcohol.

 

Now we come to the moment you’ve all been waiting for and wished I had gotten to 698 words earlier. My proposed change and new outlook on life as we know it. The cocktail hour, from this point forward, officially begins at 4:30 p.m. You may now ponder the wisdom of that statement but please hold your applause until after I’m done.

 

Yes, this bit of wisdom and profound insight came to me just yesterday after a long hard day spent in a worthless pursuit. I had just spent the last several hours replacing a perfectly good GFCI outlet on my back patio when I could have avoided the entire project if I had noticed a tripped GFCI breaker in my master bathroom that was connected, don’t ask me why, to that remote plug. I won’t bore you with the tedious details here because I’m writing this before I’ve had my morning coffee and I need to get downstairs to begin my day. Just suffice it to say my revelation came late yesterday afternoon.

 

Yes, I needed a drink, and it wasn’t 5 o’clock yet. I know the old work-around and could have said, well, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, but this still carries with it a modicum of guilt. I needed something more meaningful, so I went to bed for a short power nap. I find these brief ten to fifteen-minute breaks lying down without sleeping, refreshing and sometimes inspiring. At precisely 4:30 p.m. on November 15, 2020, I placed my two feet on the floor of my bedroom and issued my first ever meaningful proclamation, “From this moment forward, the cocktail hour begins at 4:30.” It was my papal bull. I didn’t have a lead seal or formal proclamation document, but I sealed the deal with a cocktail before 5 p.m. and I felt no guilt.

 

You could just hear the angels rejoicing in heaven. At least I think I heard angels, but it could have just been the scotch hitting one of my few remaining brain cells. Remember, every time you have a cocktail before 5 p.m., an angel gets it's wings. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. If the descendants of Frank Capra ever decide to use my life story in a movie, be sure to include that last bit about the angels and wings because it might be meaningful for future generations.

 

I truly believe that the year 2020 needs something like a 4:30 p.m. cocktail time to remember it by. Or perhaps we need it to forget the year entirely. Remember as you go through the rest of this year and those that follow, It's always 4:30 somewhere.

 

I'll leave you with a two quotes worth pondering while sober, or not.

 

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he’ll be a mile away and barefoot."

 

"Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

 

 

 

Donald Trump Act II

With the realization that his life is about to change, Donald John Trump has begun to ponder his next move. After binge-watching all 10 episodes in season 4 of The Crown, he decided he wants to be king. With the mental wheels properly greased with Adderall, he figures this to be the next logical step. It would solve many of his problems both emotional and legal. Like most of his major moves, the decision was made long before the mechanics and long-term impacts were considered.

 

Trump as he sees himself

 

 

Before announcing such a bold move however, he decided to do more research on the pros and cons of being a royal monarch. His previous decision to become president didn’t work out like he thought. People wanted him to actually solve problems, make good decisions, and lead a country. You know, real work, and all for a paltry $400,000 a year. This time he wanted more, a lot more. After watching ten hours of The Crown, he saw that even that job, one that sounded so regal, might be a bother if not done right. He needed to do more research but, since he has a short attention span and can’t read more than a few lines at a time, movies came to mind. 

 

He called his brain trust. He got on a Zoom call with Rudy Giuliani, Roger Stone, Ghislaine Maxwell, and George Nader. What an auspicious group. Sex-offenders, convicted felons, and a lawyer who was convinced that any place calling itself the Four Seasons had to be classy. Holding that press conference in the parking lot of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping between the crematorium and sex-shop must have seemed like a good idea at the time. How could you go wrong with advice from this group? They all decided that Trump should watch Caligula to get a sense of how being king might be more fun.

 

Giuliani Press Conference at Four Seasons (Total Landscaping)

 

For those of you not into erotic historical drama from the late 70s, Caligula was intended to be a pornographic film of social significance. It was produced by Penthouse Magazine’s Bob Guccione, and featured Penthouse Pets as extras performing un-simulated sex scenes. That last descriptor just means they were really doing it. Trump’s dream team decided to have the film edited for him to avoid the part where Caligula goes to jail and wanders the streets of Rome as a beggar. They also cut the final scene where Caligula is murdered by Chaerea. What would be left would be the part where Caligula eventually proclaims himself to be a god, works to destroy the senate that he loathes, the senator’s wives are forced into prostitution, estates are confiscated, and the army is sent on a fake invasion of Britain. Such fun, where do I sign?

 

Movie Caligula

 

 

So, the path is now clear to our wannabe god, Donald Trump. Go from president, to king, to god. A clear path for a maniacal ego. First things first, got to be king. That should be easy, you’ve done such things before. Just tweet that you are now king of North America and maybe follow it up with an Executive Order and a big signing ceremony in the Oval Office. Schedule the signing ceremony on Christmas Day and hold your coronation on January 20th to steal the thunder from that fake president Biden. Just the thought of it all makes your red tie grow longer.

 

The plan is now baked, it is completely baked. You will be king of North America and will expand your realm to Canada and Mexico. Now, as king of Mexico, you can get the Mexicans to build the wall for you. Mexicans are certainly cheaper than that American labor. As king of Canada you can also begin to expel all of those foreigners who speak French. After all, the only thing the French ever got right was the guillotine. They built that oil derrick in Paris but never got a drop of oil. And what about a queen? Sure, Melania can be an “acting queen” until you have time to find a suitable young replacement. Let the drooling begin.

 

Mar-a-Lago will be your palace, and nobody can take a king to court. You are the king, and it is you who hold court. You can wear one of those crown thingies and a MAGA robe if you want. People will have to bow and curtsy to you up front and not behind you kissing your ass. Lindsay Graham, Bill Barr, and Mitch McConnell spend their days back there and it’s better to have them up front where you can keep an eye on them. Ass kissing can quickly turn to ass biting and back stabbing. Yeah, up front is better. 

 

This is going to be a great second act. When you get tired of being king you can then declare yourself to be a god and you can get those evangelicals to send you money. Life is good when you are a king, or a god. As Buzz Lightyear would say, to infinity,...and beyond!

 

Woody and Buzz Lightyear look to infinity and beyond.

 

Tilting at Windmills

Sean Connery starred in over 60 movies but will perhaps be best remembered for his portrayal of Bond, James Bond. The Bond films were somewhat formulaic. You had your opening sequence before the title, great theme music, a collection of attractive women, and the arch villain. It is this last character that is of interest here. The antagonist was always a megalomaniacal malefactor bent on world domination through any means necessary, most of which involved the destruction of all who got in his way.

 

Bond Villians

 

 

Megalomania is a psychological condition listed under narcissistic personality disorder symptoms. Psychologists evaluating this disorder pay close attention to fantasies of power, relevance, and omnipotence that leads them to think that they are the best. Historical examples might include Napoleon Bonaparte, Hitler, Stalin, or Mao Zedong. These leaders all thought that they were the only ones capable who could save their homelands and bring other countries under their control. They would continue to seek infinite power and regularly felt capable of the unattainable.

 

They all tend to have an exaggerated self-concept and will continue to seek social validation of their power and worth. They believe they, and only they, are essential. They feel they are indestructible and that only they can solve complex problems. They will put others to the test for comparison to prove their own omnipotence. They never admit mistakes and are hypersensitive to the reactions of others. They will regularly blame others for their mistakes.

 

If any of these traits seem familiar, you have probably already identified the subject at hand. Should it come as any surprise that this individual is taking a “scorched earth” attitude during his retreat from power? Should we be shocked at his behavior when we have seen so many other examples of his feelings of omnipotence and rejection of personal failure? By exaggerating his abilities and personal achievements he has shown an internal weak self-esteem and an inability to face the frustration of that failure. He can’t fail so he will never acknowledge failure.

 

We should not look to a megalomaniac to act like a normal person. Historically, others in his position have placed country above politics. They have graciously accepted the will of the people and have assisted incoming administrations to help them better manage one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. That would be something an individual without a serious psychological illness might do. So, don’t act surprised when this person refuses to accept the inevitable, blames others for his failure, denies the reality that surrounds him, and continues to tilt at windmills.

 

 

 

If you think I am talking about Don Quixote, consider yourself well-educated but misinformed. You have the wrong Don.

 

“Egotism is the anesthetic which nature gives us to deaden the pain of being a fool.”-Dr. Herbert Shofield-

I Look Forward To…

We are all anticipating the transition of power that will take place on January 20th. Some with hopeful exuberance and others with dread. I am among the hopeful and will greet this change of leaders with more enthusiasm than past swaps in White House occupants.

 

I look forward to waking up in the morning and not feeling a need to turn on the news to see what damage has been done to our country, planet, or democratic way of life overnight. All of this possible because the insomniac-in-chief had a twitter-fit in the pre-dawn hours or heard the voice of Tucker Carlson giving his own twisted opinion on something from FOX News.

 

 

 

I look forward to seeing people in charge of our highest offices who actually know what they are doing because they were selected for their competence and not because they will do whatever damage is asked of them by the president. The current announced cabinet appointments all, to a person, seem to be supremely qualified for the tasks before them. No more hiring of sycophants with an axe to grind or with some ulterior profit motive. No more hiring foxes to guard the hen house. Draining the swamp should not include stocking it with more alligators and snakes.

 

I look forward to a president who can talk in complete sentences, even if he gets a bit long-winded. Having a president who doesn’t make up his own facts in the morning and then denies having said whatever it was before sunset, will be as refreshing as a warm summer breeze. I expect my president to be as truthful as our national security allows.

 

I look forward to a vice-president who can take her job seriously and not have a fly landing on her head be her highest level of intellectual achievement in four years. I expect her to be supportive but independent in her thoughts and comments.

 

I look forward to having a president who listens, takes advice, asks questions, contemplates alternatives, analyzes problems, and comes to a decision based on facts and not some gut feeling that may just be indigestion. I will not miss a president who flies off the handle, shoots from the hip, and looks to blame someone else when everything goes to hell.

 

I look forward to a president who acknowledges science, considers the needs of our nation, puts people’s lives before profit, and who will take control and responsibility for managing this pandemic. This virus will not end with the invention of a safe and effective vaccine; that is only the beginning. We will need a meaningful stimulus package to provide relief where it is needed. This is not another “trickle down” problem where we should be bailing out the Amazons of the world. The stimulus needs to address the basics of food, clothing, and shelter for its citizens and should provide relief to those businesses hit hard by the pandemic. We still need PPE, relief for our healthcare workers, and a consistent message from our national leadership. We do not need a leader who minimizes the problem and tells us to wear a mask only when you feel that it is not a bother or a violation of some unwritten declared personal freedom.

 

The presidency of the United States should not be a position open to unqualified amateurs in dire need of on-the-job-training who are incapable of taking advice. I feel Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be a refreshing change that is long overdue.

 

Now, for those who still feel only fear and dread with the results of this election, just know that neither Clinton nor Obama took away your guns and they didn’t turn our country into Venezuela or a communist Cuba. If that doesn’t help you sleep at night I say, suck it up Bubba.