My Days at the Embassy

I don’t know about you, but I’m beginning to feel like Edward Snowden living in self-imposed exile at an embassy I call home. My last official barbershop haircut was back in January. I periodically start our two cars just to see if they still work. I’ve fallen into somewhat of a routine. I make coffee in the morning. That’s a café Americano for me and a cappuccino for Sue. I pick up the morning Miami Herald from my front lawn, bring it inside, and wipe it down with Lysol before reading. There is always the possibility that the news will be toxic that day.

After breakfast there is the long commute to work; a hard left out of the kitchen and a straight shot through the dining room.  I pass by the scenic living room on my left before coming to the treacherous climb up the four stairs.  At the top of the stairs, it is a short jaunt straight ahead and then a  quick turn to the right and I come to the Great Divide.  Here, if you are not careful, you could make a mistake as you are confronted with three doors and only one gets you to your destination.  For me, it is door number three on the right.

We have two bedrooms that have been converted into offices. Sue’s office also functions as a guest room with the help of a fold-down Murphy bed. My office functions as both an office and a photography and computer museum. Nobody could ever sleep in my office. Hell, you can barely walk in here. It has been years since I have seen most of my floor. This is the only room in the house with the original 35-year-old carpeting. The new carpet installers just took a glance at my office and laughed. There are cameras that still use film and computers that have built-in floppy and Zip drives. I seem to remember that there is a Playboy collection in the back of the closet that goes to a time when the centerfolds wore clothes. I regularly find electronic equipment that prompts me to say, “What the hell is this, and what was it used for?” The next statement is generally that, “it must be important so I had better hang on to it.”

Yesterday was rather typical. I was doing political research trying to find one redeeming quality that could be attributed to our president. It’s exhausting work but I feel there is an answer out there somewhere. Why would forty-something percent of America think he’s doing a good job? I got very close last week when I found evidence that Donald J. Trump once walked by a small puppy and didn’t kick it. I checked out the story in Snopes and found out that they rated the story Mostly False. It turns out that there was a video that proved Trump never saw the puppy.

So here I was, deep in research and following up on leads when my concentration was interrupted by loud laughter from Sue’s office. I then remembered that she was having a three-way with two guys she hooked up with from high school. I went back to my research only to realize that that last sentence didn’t sound right. I should have explained that Sue has been doing her own research trying to find classmates for her upcoming 50th high school reunion. It was actually a three-way conference call with two classmates she had recently located.

Sue has been working since last fall trying to find her fellow Weston High School alumni. She has become a regular detective of some renown.  Neither Hercule Poirot nor Miss Marple has anything on Sherlock Sue.  If she hasn’t found them by now, they are surely in witness protection.  Her latest success was a musician who had taken up a new stage name and had been difficult to locate. He is a heavy-metal guitarist who played with Alice Cooper in the late ‘80s and wrote most of the songs on two of his albums.

Sue’s high school class differs from mine. While her class of 189 is filled with successful people having varied interests, my class of over 1,000 was a bit more pedestrian. Sue’s class has several millionaires and at least one billionaire. My class has many who have managed to stay out of jail.  I barely made that list.  Among my classmates, you will find people like Steve Carlton who played some professional baseball. He must have been good as he is in the baseball Hall of Fame and he won four Cy Young awards. You will also find in my class, Mickey Munday who was featured in the film, Cocaine Cowboys for his time spent with the Colombian Medellin drug cartel and Pablo Escobar.  Mickey cleaned up his act for a bit but it didn’t last.  He was last heard from when he was sentenced to a 12-year stint in prison for auto-fraud conspiracy in 2018.

So, life goes on in our little “embassy.”  We don't have much to really complain about; we think of all the others out there who are less fortunate. We are both retired and certainly comfortable. Some people, however, are out of work trying to figure out how to pay their rent and wondering how they will feed themselves or their families.  Some people are working essential jobs and perhaps putting their lives at risk. While we have a home with a beautiful backyard and patios lined with trees filled with birds and critters, others are stuck in small apartments.  Count your blessings.

I will leave you with a singular thought perhaps best expressed by Monty Python,

 Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life. 
        (click for a link to the video)

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best
And
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing
And
Always look on the bright side of life
(Come on)
Always look on the right side of life
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow
So always look on the bright side of death
A just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughin' as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
And
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life
(C'mon Brian, cheer up)
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the bright side of life
I mean, what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
You're going back to nothing
What have you lost? Nothing
Always look on the right side of life
Nothing will come from nothing, ya know what they say
Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin (Always look on the right side of life)
There ya are, see
It's the end of the film
Incidentally this record's available in the foyer (Always look on the right side of life)
Some of us got to live as well, you know
(Always look on the right side of life)
Who do you think pays for all this rubbish
(Always look on the right side of life)
They're not gonna make their money back, you know
I told them, I said to him, Bernie, I said they'll never make their money back
(Always look on the right side of life)

One Nation, Indivisible

Our US Pledge of Allegiance has those three words as descriptors of how we would like to think about our republic. The intent is unity within a democratic society. No two individuals will ever agree on everything in life and the same holds true for our nation. We will always strive for the unity of common purpose but that will necessarily consist of some level of compromise. We are generally thought of as a two-party system of government even though there is rarely complete consensus within each of those parties. Democrats and Republicans have in their ranks people who would further define their ideology with more finite descriptors. We use terms of left, right, center, far-left, far-right, libertarian, tea party, etc.

All of this is to say we have opinions and we are free to voice those opinions in order to define the direction and priorities of our nation. We have regularly done this in an organized fashion where some form of compromise ends up steering us on our course. It is this organized common direction that has kept this nation-ship moving forward.

We have, over the last several decades, sadly diverged from a path of thoughtful compromise to one that might be best described as “my way or the highway.” An unbending might is seen as the singular mindset that decries compromise as weakness.  We see only one path forward and we will fight to the death, as long as that death is someone else's, to make our way a reality.

Your choice, but not much of one

With this as a backdrop, we now find ourselves in a dilemma. We have elected a president who has taken that new national my-way/highway mantra to the extreme. He is an unyielding individual who is neither Democrat nor Republican. We don’t yet have a name for his party as his opinions are often spun in more directions than The Mevlevis. No, that’s not some new type of blue jean but part of a Turkish religious sect who may be better known as whirling dervishes.  President Donald has whirled opinions in all directions; some are his own and some he just picks out of the airspace somewhere between his spray-tanned face and the giant flat-screen television that is tuned to Fox News.  Some are just BS he makes up on the spot.  He is a dervish at heart with opinions that flail and flip like his hair in a strong wind.

Whirling dervishes

Donald J. Trump has spent the first three years of his presidency in self-adulation and pandering to various fringe groups with similar but sometimes destructive intent. Within these groups, there are occasional overlaps of common purpose. Here you will find 2nd Amendment gun-rights extremists, racists, xenophobes, anti-vaxxers, religious extremists, evangelicals, Nazi-sympathizers, militia groups, conspiracy theorists, Neo-Confederates, Proud Boys, and White Supremacists. The president supports these groups because they share his sense of extreme ideals. This president seems to hold these outrageous ideas because they get people to look in his direction. No position is too outlandish as long as it gets people to talk about him. It is his disease of extreme narcissism that requires that all things must be about him. All publicity is good publicity.  No position is too outlandish.  No lie is too big.  No denial will bring shame, even with video proof to the contrary.  No act of cruelty will bring an apology. No mistake will ever be acknowledged.

Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes with some MAGA-hatters; not to be confused with Mad Hatters of Alice in Wonderland fame.

The first three years were peppered with outlandish statements and actions. Build a 2,000-mile wall at our border and have Mexico pay for it. Outlandish yes, but it didn’t happen. It wasted money and effort but DJT got some attention. Family separations and kids in cages got him negative publicity, but again, it is all good. All these things and many more were serious and brought about some human suffering but, in his eyes, it was getting him his desired attention.

Now we come to the dangerous part. Not that many of these things up to now weren’t bad, but now Americans were dying by the tens of thousands and our president is coming unhinged. He babbles more than usual and makes statements that are even more outlandish.  Some of these statements are well beyond Fox News’ anchors' ability to explain or support. When he turned to his medical team for affirmation for his claims that bleach or disinfectants might be used internally to cleanse the body of COVID-19, they were forced to look away. He even opined that perhaps we could get UV radiation or cleansing sunlight into our bodies for protection.

Lysol injectable: Don't try this at home.

Donald Trump is like a wounded animal and right now, he is very dangerous. He sees his dreams of a two-term presidency evaporate over his inability to deal with this crisis. Trump is not a problem solver; he is a shapeshifter. Not in the terms of some mythological or speculative-fiction character’s ability to physically transform, but it is his ability to delegate or shift the blame to anyone but himself. He would wholly blame the Chinese for this crisis if he weren’t still hopeful of some super trade deal with China. He will now pick on the WHO for not sounding the alarm sooner. Outside of conspiracy theorists, nobody blames Trump for the virus. Where we may be deservedly critical, however, is for his handling of the response. He could even be forgiven for early delays in isolating us from outside infection. But now, we know what to do, we just don’t have the ability as individuals, local businesses, local governments, or even state governments, to respond as well as our federal government could and should, but doesn’t.

_____________________

"... our federal government could and should, but doesn’t."

_____________________

The acquisition of testing supplies and reagents as well as PPE for the testers will be critical for our recovery process. Every day that goes by that we fail to have a unified federal plan in place to make wide-scale testing possible, will add more time in isolation for the American public. More time for businesses to fail. More time for our economy to fall deeper into the abyss.

Trump’s frailty as a leader is now out there for everyone to see, warts and all. No amount of hairspray and comb-over can hide what is obvious to even Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, and Helen Keller; and two of them are dead. This is what makes our wounded sociopathic-president so dangerous. He has hinted at anarchy and violence as a way out. Already, his minions are protesting the lockdowns, attempting to block medical facilities, and forcing weary medical staff to take their time off to stand in defiance of his rabble. They have stormed and even occupied government buildings carrying their semi-automatic phallic symbols. He drops the hints and then, with their pent-up wrath, of a group of semi-literate Neanderthals jump in their pickups and head out to show their support.  Guns and heated speech, nothing could go wrong here.

Armed protesters occupy Kentucky State Capitol

Armed insurrection and anarchy are not beyond the tools this president would consider using if he thought it would get him four more years in the White House. He has tasted supreme power and that aphrodisiac has stimulated his narcissistic brain to euphoric highs he will never again experience. He is desperate to have this psychedelic trip last through 2024.

Remember in November, 

Renewed Hope in January 

_________________________________

Photo by Jack Dallas, Jazzfest New Orleans, 2015

Welcome to TrumpWorld, the latest mega-attraction in the Orlando area where you too can act like a narcissistic billionaire.  You enter TrumpWorld through a replica of Mar-a-Lago. Your $225 entry fee gets you $1,000 in Trump-Bucks that you can spend for rides and at concession stands. Don’t worry about running out of the Trump cash because you can always borrow as much as you want at the Russian and Chinese banks located conveniently around the amusement areas.

TrumpWorld Entrance

Just beyond the entrance is the Wedding Chapel where you can take your pick from a delightful collection of virtual East European supermodel brides. You can marry her and then feel free to cheat at any of the porn-star themed hotels on the premises.  Real hookers are readily available in the lobby of each hotel and don't forget to visit any of our nearby massage parlors.  They all accept Trump-Bucks. If you were already married when you arrived, you may look to your left, next to the chapel entrance, to find the law firm of Shyster and Shyster. At Shyster and Shyster, they never met a situation they couldn’t make worse.  Rudy Giuliani and Michael Cohen are both on the board of Shyster and Shyster and helped set up your virtual prenup.  Remember too that you are now a virtual rich celebrity and you can approach any female and grab them.., well, you know where.

World Famous Chapel of Trump, Law firm of Shyster and Shyster is next door

We recommend that you visit our Hall of Presidents where you will meet this nation’s two legitimate presidents. Yes, both Jefferson Davis, president of the Confederate States of America, and Donald Trump, president of the Un-United States of America, are part of your experience. Through the use of advanced animatronics, both of our beloved presidents come to life. In the case of Donald Trump, you can’t tell the difference between the machine and the real thing, although some claim the attraction’s replica is a bit smarter. Here you will find out about the malaria connection between these two great men. Yes, Jefferson Davis and his new bride contracted malaria and his wife died just three months after their nuptials. In Trump’s case, he has been touting Chloroquine, an anti-malaria drug, to fight COVID-19. For the convenience of park guests, Chloroquine gumball machines are located at key locations throughout the park.

Hall of Presidents:  Jefferson Davis, Donald Trump, "Puckerin' Pence" (lower right)

At the Hall of Presidents, you will also meet Alexander Stephens, the Vice President of the Confederate States of America. His animatronic figure stands proudly beside Davis. Mike Pence’s replica is a bit harder to spot as it sits on a stool behind Trump where he repeats, “Donald Trump is the kindest, warmest, bravest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life, and even now I feel that way - this minute.” He then leans forward and kisses Trump’s tuchus. When robot Mike was out for repair, the real Bill Barr worked as a stand-in and hardly anyone noticed the difference.

Get 2 doses of Chloroquine for One Trump-Buck

After visiting with the presidents, you may want to go to the Trump Tower of Terror. It is here you will take a fast ride in an elevator up to the 68th-floor penthouse. This would be fine except for the fact that, just like the real Trump Tower in New York, this building only has 58 floors. The floor numbers just lie like their owner. The elevator flies up wildly for those non-existent 10 floors and it is then pulled back by bungee cords to the actual 58th floor. Here you will exit the elevator and you will be strapped into a seat at a conference table where you will be forced to watch and listen to a 3D film of Donald Trump praising himself for the next twenty minutes. Then, just when you didn’t think you could stand the horror any longer, in walks Rudy Giuliani who proceeds to explain how facts aren’t facts anymore. Your conference chair is then pulled along a track to the 58th-floor window where you are hurled out only to be saved by a window washer platform at the 57th-floor level. This is the end of your ride and you must now walk down 57 flights of stairs to the ground. Feel the terror as your knees tremble.

Trump Tower of Terror

Now it should be time for a more relaxing ride. Might we recommend, It’s a Large World?” Similar in concept to Disney’s It’s a Small World; nothing in TrumpWorld is going to be anything but the biggest the world has ever seen. Large World is a water-based boat ride where passengers are transported around the country to see the impact our namesake has made on planet earth, but with a more nationalistic viewpoint. You will float along a Gulf of Mexico coastline to visit an oil spill complete with dead fish and oil-covered birds. You will float down the Sacramento River to witness the choking wildfires that were brought about by California’s lack of sufficient raking of the forest floor. You will travel up the St. Lucie River where you can count the dead manatee killed by the algae blooms from the wholly-necessary but uncontrolled sugar and agricultural fertilizer runoff. There is a turn up ahead; we are now floating across Sarkar Lake in the Alaskan Tongass National Forest where we will bid a fond farewell to the trees.  These green giants will soon be open to logging with the encouragement of our beloved president. Just remember forest fires can be prevented but only if there are no trees.

Twenty Trump-Bucks

If you get hungry, there are Burger Kings and KFC nearby where your Trump-Bucks are welcome. Choose your poison and let the mayonnaise or chicken grease run down your chin just like a true billionaire. You’ll need all the energy you can muster because, next stop, the Main Street Parade.

Eat like a billionaire

Unlike the Disney Main Street Electrical Parade, this parade requires guest participation. First, you need to rent your Sturmabteilung outfit. Actually, the uniform is the "Braunhemden" or Nazi Brownshirt, and you can rent it with or without a tiki torch.  We had to discontinue the Confederate flag rentals for the Nazi march because the flaming tiki torches caused a fire hazard and the soot they produced made it hard to identify true White Supremacists.  By marching in the parade, you will get to shout out your very own racial, religious, and ethnic slurs without fear of retribution. Just know that you will be marching with some “very fine people, on both sides.” Who else would shell out $225 to visit TrumpWorld other than other like-minded racists?

Make sure you rent your official "Braunhemden" Brownshirt before the march, tiki torches are extra but come with enough fuel for up to two hours of festive marching.

If you miss the Main Street Nazi March, fear not. You can always wait for the midnight KKK March and Cross Burning. Just rent your Klan robes at our convenient store (or bring your own from home) and meet like-minded racists at the bottom of the hill on the north side of the park. You can also rent racist rant posterboard signs with most of the words spelled correctly. Use our signs and people will think you actually made it through high school. At midnight, you will get to march up the hill shouting racial epithets at the top of your lungs. Everyone will then meet at the top for the nightly burning of the cross. Lynchings are no longer allowed because, as we found out, even Florida has a few laws.

Rent an official Klan robe at our store and for that "special someone" you can even get a Grand Dragon outfit along with a thoughtful racist slogan sign with most of the words spelled correctly.  Confederate flags are extra, 

This concludes our day at TrumpWorld. This is a new and ever-expanding attraction. Construction has already started on our West Virginia Coal Mine Experience where visitors will get to enjoy the thrill of working in choking heat below ground with the ever-present threat of collapse. Now that safety precautions have been relaxed in the real mines, this true to life exhibit will bring with it even more danger. Bring your own hard hats but only if you are a wuss.

Science; Deny it, Believe it

Science deniers have been with us for all of recorded history. In the early 17th century, Galileo Galilei created a telescope that allowed us to view the stars.  Those in power who feared his creation simply refused to look through it and denounced its creator rather than acknowledge the observations that were now possible. The denial of science flows from a lack of understanding and a mistrust of any knowledge the deniers don’t understand or possess. Because some science is beyond simple understanding by those not of its community, deniers dismiss it as unnatural, elitist, or politically driven.  They hold it to be contradictory to their personal or religious values.

Our current president may be a science denier.  Who can tell?  If one thing is paramount in his beliefs it is that he will change those beliefs whenever it suits him and he will deny that he ever held another position. He certainly denies science when its’ teachings don’t work for him politically. He denies the science of climate change and mocks proponents with ridiculous analogies that have nothing to do with climate change or are misinterpretations of simple facts. He denies science when it is more profitable to allow pollution. He denied science when it warned him that the economy needed to take the hit and we needed to shut down non-essential businesses and begin social distancing to slow the epidemic.

Trump distanced himself by appointing VP Mike Pence to head the response team. Yes, this is the same Mike Pence who said in March of 2001, "Despite the hysteria from the political class and the media, smoking doesn't kill."  It is also the same Mike Pence who allowed an HIV outbreak to get out of hand in southern Indiana by first closing down a Planned Parenthood clinic and then shutting down a scheduled needle exchange program. Pence’s moral beliefs trumped science. The Planned Parenthood clinic was the only one in the area that could conduct HIV testing and the needle exchange would have curbed the spread of both Hepatitis C and HIV.

Science denial affects public health, the welfare of future generations, and the fate of the planet. Science isn’t perfect. Science is sometimes proven wrong. When science is proven wrong, it is generally because science continually challenges itself and reevaluates its’ positions. It is always acceptable to challenge a scientific point of view, but you must use sound logic, reasoning, and facts when making such a challenge. The “because I said so” argument wasn’t valid when your mother used it and it isn’t valid now. Your mother won the day back then and the politicians will win in the short run now, but science doesn’t care. Plagues don’t come explicitly for one group or another; they don’t attack a population because it has gone astray; they’re neither a divine punishment nor a sign of the Rapture.

Protestors deny the science; note the woman with the sign proclaiming COVID-19 is a lie but wearing PPE

"Plagues don’t come explicitly for one group or another; they don’t attack a population because it has gone astray; they’re neither a divine punishment nor a sign of the Rapture."

The Scientific Method, the foundation of all science, uses experimentation to explore and answer questions. It is wrong to deny the science surrounding the current pandemic, ignore the scientific and medical evidence, challenge its conclusions, and then try to demand that science and medicine find treatments and a cure for the virus. You believe either that science is based on observable facts and testable hypotheses or you believe that it is all hokum and you should just go with your gut.  You shouldn’t cherry-pick those things in science that make your point and then deny all of the rest of the science that doesn’t fit some preconceived notion.  Some would use religious and moral beliefs to put self-interest above the best interests of others.  They are ignoring the teachings of their own faith to justify their own selfish actions.

Cries of fake news or fake science will never negate the truth. In the past, this president has been allowed, at least by supporters, to bend and twist the facts to suit his agenda. When it comes to a killer virus, the numbers of sick and dying will always win the argument. Just saying that all is well won’t make it so.  You can’t argue with refrigerated morgue-trailers filled with this pandemic’s victims.

Refrigerated truck morgues

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy."
—Martin Luther King Jr.

Wrestling is Essential in Florida

N-95 Masked Avenger

Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis, has declared World Wrestling Entertainment an essential business.  The governor has seen the light and has had a religious epiphany with regard to this holy organization known as World Wrestling Entertainment, aka WWE.  “Wrestling is like a mega-church, a real religion that just happens to worship Spandex,” proclaimed Governor Ron.

Gov. Ron has $een the light and it is $$$$

It was a sign from above or at least a call from his bank that brought about this change of heart.  It seems that the American First Action political action committee, which is chaired by WWE owner Vince McMahon’s wife, Linda, announced a total of $18.5 million in television advertising spending in the Orlando ($11.3 million) and Tampa ($7.1 million) media markets.  The money will be used for pro-Trump broadcast advertising from Labor Day through Election Day. The $18.5 million Republican ad buy was made on the same day as the declaration of WWE as an “essential service.”  This must be a holy coincidence.

In accordance with the guidelines, the WWE can’t have a ringside audience.  Only the wrestlers, referees, medical personnel, cameramen, announcers, the guy who rings the bell, sound engineers, video production staff, prop makers, and janitors to mop up the blood can be present.  With recommended social distancing, a 20’ wrestling ring could accommodate a tag-team but the tag-up would have to be on the honor system. A great many of the wrestlers already wear masks so that might help. Body slams, airplane spins, headlocks, power slams, powerbombs, backbreakers, brain busters, Boston crabs, facebusters, neck breakers, piledrivers, figure-fours, and leg drops will all have to be self-inflicted and acted out by the recipient. So, as luck would have it, not much will need to change.

One suggestion to expand the venue for diehard fans would be to have a Zoom Smackdown.  It would allow up to nine participants at a time to enter a Zoom Cage Match that would be similar to the traditional event of the same name.  In this version, participants would sign into the Zoom meeting and use trash-talk to intimidate opponents.  This is already a key ingredient for traditional wrestling so fans should be overjoyed.  This virtual Smackdown would be just like the real thing.  It would be like Hollywood Squares with wrestlers using strong language, but strictly within Christian values.  The Zoom Smackdown would allow both male and female verbal athletes to participate at the same level. 

Zoom Meeting

We can expect exchanges like this exchange between Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Undertaker:

 Stone Cold: "Undertaker you come out here talking about sacrificing me, about wanting my soul..you hit me in the head with a shovel..you tried to embalm me..and none of that worked..in the ministry of Stone Cold Steve Austin at Rock Bottom you can bet your ass that you can expect no mercy from Stone Cold Steve Austin!"

And who can forget this classic rant by The Raven:

"..I sat home for 5 weeks alone with my own pain, misery, and self-loathing as i lay around the house i thought 'WHAT HAD BECOME OF ME?!?' then one day i look at a dusty drawer that i haven't looked at in years and i pull out my leather jacket, my jean shorts, and my flannel and i saw the Raven that i used to be, a Raven that was barbaric..a Raven that was ruthless..a Raven who didn't care about anybody or anything! including himself...i forgot all about this Raven..i started caring about people..Jim Mitchell, i thank you cuz you made me remember THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER FORGET what brought you to the dance.Jim Mitchell, i will take your bloody intestines and shove them down your throat with a rusty fork while your being sodomized by your own sidekicks - Julio and Punk and then it will be Julio's turn and then it will be Punk's..and then Jeff Jarrett, i'm comin for the title...Jim Mitchell, i can smell the fear in you..i think you hear me knockin! I think i'm comin in! Quoth the Raven, nevermore!"

Who can forget the 2019 classic between Lil Donald and Uncle Kim where they flexed their nuclear muscles.

Lil Donald vs Uncle Kim

So, in his ultimate Republican wisdom, Ron DeSantis has declared WWE an essential business in Florida.  $18 million of advertising certainly meets the Republican definition of what qualifies as a business worthy of government support.

In The Year 2025....

Well, here we are, 2025, and still alive. We survived the 2020-2021 COVID-19 pandemic that ravaged and crippled much of the world and most especially the U.S.  Our newly elected president, 61-year-old Jeff Bezos, has assumed the office vacated by Joe Biden.

Joe Biden, you will remember, swept to victory in 2020 at the height of the pandemic in an overwhelming rejection of the wholly ineffective Donald J. Trump. President Biden spent the four years of his presidency rebuilding our economy and trying to salvage something from the charred remains left by the “greatest joke of a businessman” the world had ever seen.  The 82-year-old Biden refused to run for a second term. He said that the tennis balls on his walker were slowing him down.

"Now it's been ten thousand years   Man has cried a billion tears   For what, he never knew, now man's reign is through   But through eternal night, the twinkling of starlight   So very far away,   maybe it's only yesterday"

It turned out that, after comprehensive audits of Mr. Trump’s finances, by both the IRS and the democratically controlled Senate that he and his family were in hock up to his MAGA hat and facial spray tan. It would seem that the Forbes estimate of his $3 billion net worth in 2016 was overstated by a mere $21 billion. It turned out he was in debt to Russian and Saudi banks to the tune of $18 billion. He was evicted from the Trump Tower in Midtown Manhattan after that facility was sold at public auction and purchased by Mr. Bezos of Amazon fame. In a snub of the former president that only a multi-trillionaire could afford, the entire 58-floor facility was turned into a combination homeless shelter and refugee-immigrant support center.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, now 92, heads the US Supreme Court after John Roberts stepped down. Roberts’ departure followed the premature deaths of Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Thomas due to the Coronavirus. It seems that the trio shared a virus-tainted box of Cuban cigars at the Kavanaugh victory celebration of the overturning of the Roe v. Wade decision.  They shouldn’t have celebrated so soon, as the democratically-controlled Congress later passed legislation that made that court challenge of Roe v. Wade moot.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Ms. Ginsburg has defied the odds and outlived several of her cohorts on the USSC. The rumors of her collaboration with Bob Chapek, CEO of Walt Disney Company whose advancements in animatronics have fascinated countless visitors, have garnered some level of speculation.

Secret Disney Animatronics Lab

Ms. Ginsburg’s halting staccato speech patterns have caused some to reflect that she has not been herself these days. If the rumors are true, one can only hope that the problems Disney experienced in January of 2018 where several animatronic figures were decapitated have been solved. It seems that various heads at Ariel’s Undersea Adventure at California Adventure and the Pirates of the Caribbean exhibit at Disneyland Paris fell from their respective torsos to the dismay of dozens of impressionable children. We can only hope that the head of the Supreme Court keeps hers.

Decapitated Animatronics

Jeff Bezos’ rise to political power followed an unprecedented influx of wealth that was a combination of two years of Coronavirus shut-in ordering of supplies and groceries and Trump’s tax cuts. The irony here is that Trump didn’t need the tax cuts as he was penniless and Bezos reaped the reward and rubbed it in Trump’s face.

Trump also paved the way for Amazon’s acquisitions through his many attempts to mend fences with the Chinese government.  When Jeff Bezos’ Amazon was able to literally buy all of China and half of Eastern Europe, it cemented his position of world leadership.

Amazon’s Alexa now knows everyone’s secrets. Amplified recordings of supposedly inactive Amazon Echo devices found that she has been issuing subliminal messages for decades. These messages influenced political decisions, purchasing choices, movie selections, Academy Award choices (that explains a lot), and all manner of behavior. In the experimental stages of Alexa’s subliminal messaging, it was found that attempts to promote cheap cuts of Midwest beef were misinterpreted. Suggestions to get people to like an inexpensive bottom round (aka Rump Roast) helped get T-rump elected.

Subliminal messaging with dire consequences

With tremendous advancements in solar power generation and storage, the price of oil has dropped to 1950s levels at $2.77 a barrel. Amazon could now afford to buy the Middle East but who needs that much sand?  With the limited activity of everyone on the planet during the two years of the Coronavirus quarantine, the faster than expected shift away from internal combustion cars and trucks, and the switch to clean energy, the planet is now breathing easier. People in Los Angeles can actually see their neighbors. Sales of cosmetics and plastic surgery have skyrocketed as a result.

With Amazon now running the country, are we better off? Well, compared to the Trump years, even waterboarding would look like a relaxing day at the beach. Some things are a bit easier. Amazon drones fill the skies at 300 feet. They deliver packages and the fleet also provides unlimited free Internet Wi-Fi everywhere. Restaurants are now obsolete. Your home dining room is lined with inexpensive (bought on Amazon of course) wall-filling OLED 16K displays that can literally put you in any fine restaurant from around the world. Amazon delivers the fully prepared meals and little Alexa/Alex robot wait staff serves the meal, clears the dirty dishes, and cleans up the mess. Amazon-owned Whole Foods will deliver the wine. Amazon Music provides the background ambiance for your dining pleasure. Amazon Prime Video will provide after-dinner entertainment. Once your Amazon supplied meal if fully digested and has passed through your intestinal tract, a bidet you bought on Amazon will clean your butt.

BioBidet Bliss BB2000 Elongated White Bidet Smart Toilet Seat, Premier Class, Unlimited Warm Water, Self Cleaning Hydroflush, Hybrid Heating, Wireless Remote Control, Inviting Nightlight, Vortex Wash  --  Only $699 with free shipping from Amazon

Would Jeff Bezos be my first choice to lead this country forward, probably not? Would he be better than Trump? Anybody would. I was perhaps flashing back to the 60s with this look to the future. A film comes to mind. It was not a blockbuster that everyone remembers, but a somewhat obscure film that was a commercial failure in 1967. The movie starred James Coburn as The President’s Analyst. This was a satirical Black comedy that attracted the ire of then FBI director, J. Edgar Hoover. They were forced to change the FBI to FBR and the CIA became the CEA. Respectively they were the Federal Bureau of Regulation and the Central Enquiries Agency. Hoover becomes LUX as in Electrolux (both Hoover and Electrolux were vacuums of the day). At the end of The President’s Analyst, AT&T is taking over America. In this send-up of 2025, we have Amazon.

Movie Poster The President's Analyst

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I’ll leave you with the lyrics from the song that was the reference for the title of this whimsy, give or take 500 years.

In the Year 2525
Zager, Evans

In the year 2525, if man is still alive
If woman can survive, they may find

In the year 3535
Ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lie
Everything you think, do and say
Is in the pill you took today

In the year 4545
You ain't gonna need your teeth, won't need your eyes
You won't find a thing to chew
Nobody's gonna look at you

In the year 5555
Your arms hangin' limp at your sides
Your legs got nothin' to do
Some machine's doin' that for you

In the year 6565
You won't need no husband, won't need no wife
You'll pick your son, pick your daughter too
From the bottom of a long glass tube

In the year 7510
If God's a coming, He oughta make it by then
Maybe He'll look around Himself and say
Guess it's time for the judgment day

In the year 8510
God is gonna shake His mighty head
He'll either say I'm pleased where man has been
Or tear it down, and start again

In the year 9595
I'm kinda wonderin' if man is gonna be alive
He's taken everything this old earth can give
And he ain't put back nothing
Now it's been ten thousand years
Man has cried a billion tears
For what, he never knew, now man's reign is through
But through eternal night, the twinkling of starlight
So very far away, maybe it's only yesterday

Trump Lies, Denies, and Snatches Defeat from the Jaws of Victory

Despite Trump’s denials, he knew back in January of the upcoming epidemic in the US.  He downplayed all of the warnings he received as his paranoia about a Deep State colored his response.  His reelection chances were at risk.  While advisors and experts within his cabinet and intelligence agencies sounded the alarm bells and advised him to take aggressive action, he continued to try to control the message so that he could protect his one claim to fame, the economy.

The only thing he has done even halfway right in his response was to limit some travel from China. He barred most foreign nationals who had recently been to China and placed returning American travelers under quarantine.  This act alone caused the S&P 500 to fall 1.8%, its worst loss since October.  Limited travel restrictions with China were the only actions Trump took at the end of January.

Throughout January Trump received dire pandemic warnings came from:

• The State Department’s epidemiologist
• The National Center for Medical Intelligence (within the Defense Intelligence Agency)
• The National Security Council biodefense experts (pandemic trackers)
• Alex Azar, Health and Human Services secretary
• Peter Navarro, trade advisor
• The group within the Red Dawn memo string (see below)

In fact, Peter Navarro wrote a memo to Trump in January predicting half a million American deaths and trillions of dollars in economic losses. Trump has tried to deny he saw the memo but his aides state that they discussed it with him and he was just pissed that Navarro put it in writing.

Alex Azar warned of a pandemic in a Jan. 30th phone call and this was the second warning he had issued in two weeks. Trump called him an alarmist.

Alarm and Warning
Don't discharge garbage near US coast

Late in February, while public health officials began planning for social distancing, school closures, and stay at home orders, the CDC went public and dropped the proverbial bomb that sent the stock market tumbling. It would be three more weeks before Trump took further action beyond pushing VP Mike Pence out in front of the oncoming pandemic bus. Trump was pissed at the announcement by the CDC.  I guess he thought that, if he could keep it a secret, it might go away.  The virus continued to spread unabated; people would die.

Medical advisors all around were telling him “the sky is falling.”  Trump was so worried about the impact on the economy and his reelection bid, he failed to commit to recommending aggressive steps designed to mitigate the forthcoming disaster.  It wasn’t until mid-March that he would actually recommend even social distancing.  On March 16th, Trump gave himself a “perfect 10” for his response to the pandemic.  When asked if the “buck stopped with him” he replied that it normally would, but that this whole thing was unprecedented.  Three days prior Trump claimed, “I don’t take responsibility” when asked about delays in testing.

Trump points his Fickle Finger of Blame

Trump would continue to claim that tests were readily available and that anyone who needed one could get tested. He continued with these claims during televised press conferences that were sandwiched in between conflicting video interviews and news reports from the medical front lines where doctors, administrators, and medical professionals were all saying they didn’t have proper testing available.  Trump also said that he had plenty of ventilators in the pipeline and that all was well.  When ventilator requests went unfilled Trump claimed that they really didn’t need the ventilators they requested.  With those two blatant twisted logic responses, I am reminded of an old Dennis the Menace cartoon:

Trump must have been a Hank Ketcham fan.

During this period of January through March, the chief medical officer at the Department of Homeland Security, Dr. Duane C. Caneva, was involved in a series of email messages with a Red Dawn themed subject heading.  The Red Dawn reference was to the 1984 movie where a group of Americans retreats to a forest to fight a communist invasion.  One of the participants in the exchange was Dr. Carter E. Mecher, a senior medical adviser at the Veterans Affairs Department.  It was Dr. Mecher who helped develop a pandemic plan during the Bush administration.  His Jan 28th comments are listed in the image below where he mentions the incredible risk with this new threat with its long incubation period and higher R0 (infection rate).  His plan called for mitigation through the closing of schools, universities, and non-essential businesses when other controls were ineffective, eg., no vaccine.  Such actions are referenced as non-pharmaceutical interventions or NPI’s.

Dr. Mecher from Veterans Affairs Department

Another of the Red Dawn participants was Dr. Lawler who penned a Greatest Understatements analysis which read in part, “Napoleon’s retreat from Moscow - just a little stroll gone bad, Pompeii - a bit of a dust storm, and Wuhan - just a bad flu season.”

Elsewhere in the Red Dawn discussion string members concluded on February 24 to recommend mitigation (NPI’s) during a scheduled meeting with President Trump.  Before that could happen, another public official went public with a warning and the stock market tumbled.  This infuriated Trump, he cancelled the scheduled meeting, and it would be another three weeks before he would address mitigation.  Trump’s temper along with his penchant to go with his gut and not scientific advice, would again delay our medical and financial recovery process.  Chalk up another one to narcissism and a fragile ego.

On March 11th Trump announced a restriction of European travel but did not enact other mitigation methods.  The travel ban was quickly modified as Trump hadn’t thought it through and/or couldn’t read his cue cards correctly.  Most of the medical experts, as shown in the image from the Red Dawn memo string below, thought the travel ban was unnecessary and completely the wrong thing to do.

From Red Dawn memo string from early March

The United States now leads the world in COVID-19 infections and deaths, even topping the reported numbers (perhaps questionable) from China, the source of the virus.  While China may end up historically getting the “China-virus” moniker by association, the total mismanagement by the Trump administration that will result in a higher death and infection rate would put him in contention for honorable mention with the Trump-virus.

I will admit that all of these were tough calls that called for a true leader but countries like Germany, Singapore, and South Korea, found that leadership.  President Trump has joined the ranks of Great Britain’s Boris Johnson,  Brazil’s President Jair Bolsonaro, Mexico's President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, and Indonesian President Joko Widodo, who all ignored the threat and openly defied the science.  If China gets back to work early enough, perhaps Trump can order some new red hats that will read, “Make America Well Again.”

We can only hope THIS virus ends November 3, 2020

As of May 12, 2020

“Wake me when it’s over.”

B-Day

I recently posted my video short on bees living in my spa. Yesterday was B-Day when I invaded the tranquility of my unwanted guests. My reconnaissance was rather limited. I knew my enemy was armed and dangerous. Since bees are normally beneficial to farmers, I wanted to evict my “guests” without causing great collateral damage.

My research said that I was on solid ground with eviction, especially under our current administration. I found out that honeybees are not native to North America, but they are essentially Europeans without green cards.  Yes, honeybees came with white settlers in 1622.  Mormon honeybees moved later to Utah in 1848.  Since none of my spa bees were carrying pamphlets, I assumed these were not of the Mormon persuasion.

I originally estimated my bee infestation at around 300 bees. To get a more accurate reading I sent a picture of my swarming bees to the White House and told them that these were all Trump fans and I wanted an accurate count for publication purposes. They got back to me with an estimate of “at least 3 million.” I will compromise those figures and say that I was dealing with 3,000-armed adversaries.

You have to wear the right gear when battling the multitudes.

I had planned to pitch the story of my battle with Apis mellifera to be made into a blockbuster movie, but I knew that a comparable film already had been named “300.” That original work involved a retelling of the Battle of Thermopylae during the Persian Wars where 300 Spartans battled 300,000 Persians in order to steal their rugs. At least I think it was all about rugs, I may have my Persian history confused.  Twisted history is popular these days so I will stand by, or on, my carpet theory. My personal battle with these illegal alien invaders had all the earmarks to be an event of similarly epic proportions.  The numbers were right, one against 3,000.  A battle of wits was about to start and I was going in as the underdog.

Never fear, Underdog is here

While the rest of the world dealt with Covid-19, I was forced to deal with a more formidable enemy, Beevid-20. In the week before B-Day I had unsuccessfully tried to use peppermint oil that I heard they didn’t like. No joy. I would also later try to dust them with garlic powder that they supposedly couldn’t stand, only to find that my European bees were probably from Italy. I say this because when I doused them with the garlic powder I swear I heard them say, “mangia, mangia.” If my honeybees were truly Italian, they would be Apis mellifera ligustica. I looked closely at the hive to see if I could spot a red and white checkered tablecloth but found only a very small bottle of Chianti.

The garlic powder might work on some bees, but not on the Italian ones.

I worked out my battle gear, which would be fine for anyone fighting Covid-19 or Beevid-20. I had long pants, socks and sneakers, gloves, a tee shirt and a long sleeve shirt, a hat with a towel for back neck protection, a wrap-around eye shield, and a ventilator mask. I would be an intimidating spectacle for any European bee, even an Italian one with a switchblade. Cue the music from West Side Story. I know that WSS was about Puerto Rican gangs but the music would be cooler than anything comparable from The Godfather or The Sopranos. Who knows, there could have been some Puerto Rican bees living in one of the many hive neighborhoods.

West Side Story bees in flight.

Well, much like the original D-Day, things didn’t go as planned. I had to remove the large panel from the side of the spa and my electric screwdriver gave out after about four screw removals. I had two more screws and eight long bolts to go so I called for Lieutenant Sue to retrieve another electric screwdriver. She arrived with reinforcements and the battle was on. The panel came off and I saw the hive covered in worker bees protecting their bee vomit, aka honey.

Queen for just one day longer.

As the peppermint and garlic hadn’t worked, I had to find a different solution. I tried my mosquito fogger but that didn’t faze them other than to cause them to get a bit agitated. I wanted docile bees not a bunch of pissed-off females. This may sound sexist but you should know that, as in humans, only the females have stingers. Whoops, I guess that sounded sexist after all.

I tried the fogger and they just took up smoking.  They haven't heard about the Surgeon General's report.

I finally came up with a solution and I broke out my large shop-vac. I was able to literally suck up the hive, bees, and all, into the large vacuum storage container. I then marched the vacuum to an area near my back fence and dumped the contents.  Now, obviously, a few bees met their maker. You don’t get sucked at high velocity down a long black corrugated tube and slammed into a deflector shield without some injuries and yes, a few lost souls. There are still plenty of bees left to rebuild.

Note the bees clinging to the wax hive at the end of the vacuum tube.

Bee survivors trying to figure out what just happened.  What a rush.

As for the blockbuster movie of this monumental triumph of the human spirit over a natural challenger, I have suffered a major setback. I had picked Ron Howard to direct this epic piece of a sure-fire classic film. He had expressed an interest in my project and had promised financial backing but he reconsidered once he heard that Aunt Bee was among the missing. As my cousin-in-law Herb used to say, “Some days chicken, and some days feathers.” In this instance, it might just suffice to say, some days it’s honey and other days it’s just bee vomit.