The Trump Show

Continuing with my pop-culture comparisons with the Trump presidency, I am reminded of a Jim Carrey movie called The Truman Show. In the movie, Carrey’s character, Truman Burbank, stars in a reality TV show set in the fictional town of Seahaven Island. Everyone knows this is a reality TV show, except Truman. The island is really a large sound stage inside a bubble and filming is done 24/7 via 5,000 cameras set to record Truman’s every move. Does this not sound like a Trump paradise?

 

 

 

Perhaps we could all chip in and have such a set built so that Trump could live out his days in the fantasy world he has tried to build over the last four years. Trump could live in his own little bubble and his Trumpers and Trumpettes could all sit around their sets and watch their reality TV star president do what he does best. He could Tweet, hold press conferences near a helicopter, play golf, and have regular campaign rallies. In this dream world he would be president for life.

 

This would benefit everyone as real life would go on without the daily distraction and interruption of his ego screaming for attention. The MAGA hatted faithful would get to live in the same fantasy world as their hero for as long as they like. It might be made financially viable and a profit center through merchandise sales, cable TV subscriptions, and donations from evangelicals who will seemingly donate to anyone. Trump’s tweets would only be available by paid subscription and we could hire Russian trolls to issue flattering responses.

 

I envision a remote location, say, Easter Island which is described as Te Pitot e Henua (Navel of the World) as it is one of the most remote places on earth. The 600+ famed statues of Easter Island, the moai, could be used for Trump rallies where he could easily claim them to be 60,000 strong. This 63 square mile island could be fitted with a mini-White House and a mini Mar-a-Lago. There would be a golf course where Trump could cheat to his little black heart’s content. The fake Oval Office would be fitted with flat screen sets that play reruns of Fox News with all his favorites. There would be Fox and Friends, Tucker Carlson, Hannity, and Ingraham.

 

I say it would be a win-win situation for us all. We get rid of a pest and Easter Island gets to enjoy a little blonde navel lint to go with their Navel of the World moniker.

Time For a Change

No, this doesn’t involve politics. You might have reasonably assumed a political spin here if you have read any of my recent writings and posts, but you would be wrong this time. I just think that it is time for a change. While I’ve long been a believer in tradition and wise sayings, if anything, 2020 has proven to be a year when things just didn’t go as planned. We need a change. I needed a change.

 

 

 

Traditions and wise sayings guide our lives, and most are well founded from the experiences of those who preceded us. We all know admonitions like, “don’t eat the yellow snow.” Well, growing up in south Florida, that yellow snow thing didn’t get tested much. “Beware Greeks bearing gifts.” My wife Sue is a quarter Greek and half Irish so that one lost its meaning quickly. No large wooden horses mind you, but everything else is fine.

 

Then there is “give a man a fish and he’ll eat for one day, teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” At least I think that’s how that one goes. It certainly makes more sense than the other one I heard.

 

But this “time for a change” involves something more serious than all of those. It is a matter of great importance and could change your entire outlook on life. This one simple change could have that type of impact on your well-being and ease your mind a bit. But before I get to my proposed change, a little background might be in order.

 

First, who gets to make traditions and declare things to be the way they are? If you are Catholic, you might turn to the pope. Yes, the pope can issue a papal proclamation. These are known as papal bulls. Yeah, I know that issuing something called a “bull” may have you raising concern, but apparently the bull refers to the leaden seal or bulla that gets appended to such proclamations to verify that they are authentic.

 

Others who get to set tradition or issue wise sayings are people who have earned our respect or who have become experts in a particular field. Einstein and Confucius were both considered wise and when they said something people pondered the meaning behind the words in case they might be saying something wise and noteworthy. Well, forget Einstein and Confucius because this one is coming from me.

 

What are my qualifications you might reasonably ask? Well, for one thing, I’m old. I’m officially old. To put this in perspective, consider that the World Health Organization believes that most developed world countries characterize old age starting at 60 years and above. However, this definition isn't adaptable to a place like Africa, where the more traditional definition of an elder, or elderly person, starts between 50 to 65 years of age. So, both here and in Africa, I’m considered old.

 

My second qualification is that, being of Irish decent, I began drinking alcohol at the age of five. My father would give me a “taste” of whatever he was drinking, and I was supposed to scrunch up my face and say something like, yuck or ewww. When they discovered I liked it, I was cut off and had to resort to commandeering unfinished cocktails left unattended at parties. Before the age of five I was restricted to Opium mixed with 76% alcohol. This latter concoction was called Paregoric and was administered to young children to ease the pain of teething or sometimes to just shut them the Hell up.

 

Lastly, I offer that I worked a little over a year as a bartender at the Officer’s Club on the Naval base in Orlando. I was trained by an old guy who claimed to have worked at a speakeasy during Prohibition. He taught me the essentials like, never discuss religion or politics when drinking, always use fresh ice when making a second drink, and a heavy pour gets you bigger tips. I offer all this by way of my expertise when it comes to the consumption of alcohol.

 

Now we come to the moment you’ve all been waiting for and wished I had gotten to 698 words earlier. My proposed change and new outlook on life as we know it. The cocktail hour, from this point forward, officially begins at 4:30 p.m. You may now ponder the wisdom of that statement but please hold your applause until after I’m done.

 

Yes, this bit of wisdom and profound insight came to me just yesterday after a long hard day spent in a worthless pursuit. I had just spent the last several hours replacing a perfectly good GFCI outlet on my back patio when I could have avoided the entire project if I had noticed a tripped GFCI breaker in my master bathroom that was connected, don’t ask me why, to that remote plug. I won’t bore you with the tedious details here because I’m writing this before I’ve had my morning coffee and I need to get downstairs to begin my day. Just suffice it to say my revelation came late yesterday afternoon.

 

Yes, I needed a drink, and it wasn’t 5 o’clock yet. I know the old work-around and could have said, well, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, but this still carries with it a modicum of guilt. I needed something more meaningful, so I went to bed for a short power nap. I find these brief ten to fifteen-minute breaks lying down without sleeping, refreshing and sometimes inspiring. At precisely 4:30 p.m. on November 15, 2020, I placed my two feet on the floor of my bedroom and issued my first ever meaningful proclamation, “From this moment forward, the cocktail hour begins at 4:30.” It was my papal bull. I didn’t have a lead seal or formal proclamation document, but I sealed the deal with a cocktail before 5 p.m. and I felt no guilt.

 

You could just hear the angels rejoicing in heaven. At least I think I heard angels, but it could have just been the scotch hitting one of my few remaining brain cells. Remember, every time you have a cocktail before 5 p.m., an angel gets it's wings. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. If the descendants of Frank Capra ever decide to use my life story in a movie, be sure to include that last bit about the angels and wings because it might be meaningful for future generations.

 

I truly believe that the year 2020 needs something like a 4:30 p.m. cocktail time to remember it by. Or perhaps we need it to forget the year entirely. Remember as you go through the rest of this year and those that follow, It's always 4:30 somewhere.

 

I'll leave you with a two quotes worth pondering while sober, or not.

 

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he’ll be a mile away and barefoot."

 

"Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

 

 

 

Donald Trump Act II

With the realization that his life is about to change, Donald John Trump has begun to ponder his next move. After binge-watching all 10 episodes in season 4 of The Crown, he decided he wants to be king. With the mental wheels properly greased with Adderall, he figures this to be the next logical step. It would solve many of his problems both emotional and legal. Like most of his major moves, the decision was made long before the mechanics and long-term impacts were considered.

 

Trump as he sees himself

 

 

Before announcing such a bold move however, he decided to do more research on the pros and cons of being a royal monarch. His previous decision to become president didn’t work out like he thought. People wanted him to actually solve problems, make good decisions, and lead a country. You know, real work, and all for a paltry $400,000 a year. This time he wanted more, a lot more. After watching ten hours of The Crown, he saw that even that job, one that sounded so regal, might be a bother if not done right. He needed to do more research but, since he has a short attention span and can’t read more than a few lines at a time, movies came to mind. 

 

He called his brain trust. He got on a Zoom call with Rudy Giuliani, Roger Stone, Ghislaine Maxwell, and George Nader. What an auspicious group. Sex-offenders, convicted felons, and a lawyer who was convinced that any place calling itself the Four Seasons had to be classy. Holding that press conference in the parking lot of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping between the crematorium and sex-shop must have seemed like a good idea at the time. How could you go wrong with advice from this group? They all decided that Trump should watch Caligula to get a sense of how being king might be more fun.

 

Giuliani Press Conference at Four Seasons (Total Landscaping)

 

For those of you not into erotic historical drama from the late 70s, Caligula was intended to be a pornographic film of social significance. It was produced by Penthouse Magazine’s Bob Guccione, and featured Penthouse Pets as extras performing un-simulated sex scenes. That last descriptor just means they were really doing it. Trump’s dream team decided to have the film edited for him to avoid the part where Caligula goes to jail and wanders the streets of Rome as a beggar. They also cut the final scene where Caligula is murdered by Chaerea. What would be left would be the part where Caligula eventually proclaims himself to be a god, works to destroy the senate that he loathes, the senator’s wives are forced into prostitution, estates are confiscated, and the army is sent on a fake invasion of Britain. Such fun, where do I sign?

 

Movie Caligula

 

 

So, the path is now clear to our wannabe god, Donald Trump. Go from president, to king, to god. A clear path for a maniacal ego. First things first, got to be king. That should be easy, you’ve done such things before. Just tweet that you are now king of North America and maybe follow it up with an Executive Order and a big signing ceremony in the Oval Office. Schedule the signing ceremony on Christmas Day and hold your coronation on January 20th to steal the thunder from that fake president Biden. Just the thought of it all makes your red tie grow longer.

 

The plan is now baked, it is completely baked. You will be king of North America and will expand your realm to Canada and Mexico. Now, as king of Mexico, you can get the Mexicans to build the wall for you. Mexicans are certainly cheaper than that American labor. As king of Canada you can also begin to expel all of those foreigners who speak French. After all, the only thing the French ever got right was the guillotine. They built that oil derrick in Paris but never got a drop of oil. And what about a queen? Sure, Melania can be an “acting queen” until you have time to find a suitable young replacement. Let the drooling begin.

 

Mar-a-Lago will be your palace, and nobody can take a king to court. You are the king, and it is you who hold court. You can wear one of those crown thingies and a MAGA robe if you want. People will have to bow and curtsy to you up front and not behind you kissing your ass. Lindsay Graham, Bill Barr, and Mitch McConnell spend their days back there and it’s better to have them up front where you can keep an eye on them. Ass kissing can quickly turn to ass biting and back stabbing. Yeah, up front is better. 

 

This is going to be a great second act. When you get tired of being king you can then declare yourself to be a god and you can get those evangelicals to send you money. Life is good when you are a king, or a god. As Buzz Lightyear would say, to infinity,...and beyond!

 

Woody and Buzz Lightyear look to infinity and beyond.

 

Tilting at Windmills

Sean Connery starred in over 60 movies but will perhaps be best remembered for his portrayal of Bond, James Bond. The Bond films were somewhat formulaic. You had your opening sequence before the title, great theme music, a collection of attractive women, and the arch villain. It is this last character that is of interest here. The antagonist was always a megalomaniacal malefactor bent on world domination through any means necessary, most of which involved the destruction of all who got in his way.

 

Bond Villians

 

 

Megalomania is a psychological condition listed under narcissistic personality disorder symptoms. Psychologists evaluating this disorder pay close attention to fantasies of power, relevance, and omnipotence that leads them to think that they are the best. Historical examples might include Napoleon Bonaparte, Hitler, Stalin, or Mao Zedong. These leaders all thought that they were the only ones capable who could save their homelands and bring other countries under their control. They would continue to seek infinite power and regularly felt capable of the unattainable.

 

They all tend to have an exaggerated self-concept and will continue to seek social validation of their power and worth. They believe they, and only they, are essential. They feel they are indestructible and that only they can solve complex problems. They will put others to the test for comparison to prove their own omnipotence. They never admit mistakes and are hypersensitive to the reactions of others. They will regularly blame others for their mistakes.

 

If any of these traits seem familiar, you have probably already identified the subject at hand. Should it come as any surprise that this individual is taking a “scorched earth” attitude during his retreat from power? Should we be shocked at his behavior when we have seen so many other examples of his feelings of omnipotence and rejection of personal failure? By exaggerating his abilities and personal achievements he has shown an internal weak self-esteem and an inability to face the frustration of that failure. He can’t fail so he will never acknowledge failure.

 

We should not look to a megalomaniac to act like a normal person. Historically, others in his position have placed country above politics. They have graciously accepted the will of the people and have assisted incoming administrations to help them better manage one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. That would be something an individual without a serious psychological illness might do. So, don’t act surprised when this person refuses to accept the inevitable, blames others for his failure, denies the reality that surrounds him, and continues to tilt at windmills.

 

 

 

If you think I am talking about Don Quixote, consider yourself well-educated but misinformed. You have the wrong Don.

 

“Egotism is the anesthetic which nature gives us to deaden the pain of being a fool.”-Dr. Herbert Shofield-

I Look Forward To…

We are all anticipating the transition of power that will take place on January 20th. Some with hopeful exuberance and others with dread. I am among the hopeful and will greet this change of leaders with more enthusiasm than past swaps in White House occupants.

 

I look forward to waking up in the morning and not feeling a need to turn on the news to see what damage has been done to our country, planet, or democratic way of life overnight. All of this possible because the insomniac-in-chief had a twitter-fit in the pre-dawn hours or heard the voice of Tucker Carlson giving his own twisted opinion on something from FOX News.

 

 

 

I look forward to seeing people in charge of our highest offices who actually know what they are doing because they were selected for their competence and not because they will do whatever damage is asked of them by the president. The current announced cabinet appointments all, to a person, seem to be supremely qualified for the tasks before them. No more hiring of sycophants with an axe to grind or with some ulterior profit motive. No more hiring foxes to guard the hen house. Draining the swamp should not include stocking it with more alligators and snakes.

 

I look forward to a president who can talk in complete sentences, even if he gets a bit long-winded. Having a president who doesn’t make up his own facts in the morning and then denies having said whatever it was before sunset, will be as refreshing as a warm summer breeze. I expect my president to be as truthful as our national security allows.

 

I look forward to a vice-president who can take her job seriously and not have a fly landing on her head be her highest level of intellectual achievement in four years. I expect her to be supportive but independent in her thoughts and comments.

 

I look forward to having a president who listens, takes advice, asks questions, contemplates alternatives, analyzes problems, and comes to a decision based on facts and not some gut feeling that may just be indigestion. I will not miss a president who flies off the handle, shoots from the hip, and looks to blame someone else when everything goes to hell.

 

I look forward to a president who acknowledges science, considers the needs of our nation, puts people’s lives before profit, and who will take control and responsibility for managing this pandemic. This virus will not end with the invention of a safe and effective vaccine; that is only the beginning. We will need a meaningful stimulus package to provide relief where it is needed. This is not another “trickle down” problem where we should be bailing out the Amazons of the world. The stimulus needs to address the basics of food, clothing, and shelter for its citizens and should provide relief to those businesses hit hard by the pandemic. We still need PPE, relief for our healthcare workers, and a consistent message from our national leadership. We do not need a leader who minimizes the problem and tells us to wear a mask only when you feel that it is not a bother or a violation of some unwritten declared personal freedom.

 

The presidency of the United States should not be a position open to unqualified amateurs in dire need of on-the-job-training who are incapable of taking advice. I feel Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be a refreshing change that is long overdue.

 

Now, for those who still feel only fear and dread with the results of this election, just know that neither Clinton nor Obama took away your guns and they didn’t turn our country into Venezuela or a communist Cuba. If that doesn’t help you sleep at night I say, suck it up Bubba.